While nothing may ever compare to spring break in Acapulco, going back now would sooner see you slain than slaying mad chicks (you player, you!). Thankfully, global travel outfitter Abercrombie & Kent is filling the void with a 19 day, seven country African odyssey that'll pile you and 39 others on a private Boeing 737 heading due south on a continental "safari", all for just $79,995.
Things start at the St. Regis in Rome, because you just paid $80k for a trip, so why the hell not?
Next stop: a pair of hotel-bound days in Ethiopia, where you'll explore the rock-carved churches of Lalibela, and "meet with local dignitaries at a private cocktail reception".
When you stay in tents, it'll be ones like these. Beats the sh*t outta that duct-taped Coleman you found at Bonaroo.
Your three days in Uganda will get you face-to-face with endangered mountain gorillas and Batwa tribesman.
None other than company founder Geoffrey Kent will be guiding the three-day Tanzanian safari portion of your trip. Note: this is not a photo of company founder Geoffrey Kent, but it would be freaking rad if it were.
In Zambia, your days will be filled with chopper tours over Victoria Falls, a trip to the Nakatindi Village, and a "up-close" visit with elephants in their natural habitat.
Three days in Botswana means more elephants (this time in a park) and a sunset cruise down the awesomely named Chobe River.
Second-to-last stop: Namibia, where you'll up the horsepower with a boat cruise on Walvis Bay, and some desert dune riding.
After all that "grueling" time in the bush you'll be happy to get back to civilization, where there's a farewell gala for you at Cape Town's Two Oceans Aquarium, and a final trip to the top of Table Mountain, after which you'll be all set.