Signs You Should Avoid an Airbnb Rental at All Costs

One of the first things you learn in kindergarten is that not everyone knows how to share. These days, tech companies bet fortunes that we're capable of playing well with others, but if you've browsed Airbnb lately, it's clear that plenty of folks haven't even learned to make their bed, let alone qualify to rent it to another human.

Bad reviews are obviously the first warning sign, but putting your full faith in commenters is the Internet equivalent of putting all your eggs in one garbage disposal. Here are 12 more simple things to watch out for to make sure your Airbnb host isn't more in need of a babysitter than a house guest.

This is the number one red flag. If your host is too lazy to properly lay out a bedspread for the sole purpose of advertising their space, tidiness obviously isn't a high priority, and neither is your vacation/bachelor party/bed bugless future.
 

It's great to know that there's no mold in the shower, but if a photo gallery leans too heavily on one room, odds are the others aren't nearly as fungus-free.
 

Not everyone knows to take Airbnb up on their offer of free professional photos, but if the images are as grainy as rough sand, the sheets might be too.

This is an immediate clue that you're not dealing with a friendly human being of a host, but rather a shady landlord or opportunistic management company playing Scrooge McDuck by filling a swimming pool with money, $70 at a time.
 

If a host is inviting you to become a part of their family -- whether it's requiring shared meals, inviting you to play with their kids, or setting up group photos at Sears -- you might be headed to Manson country.
 

Hosts think they're sly by adopting apartment locator slang 101, but know that if something is “cozy” that means you'll definitely hear someone else having sex in the house. Or maybe in the room.

There's not much to learn from a bed of sunflowers or a motivational poster of a kitten or a stock photo of the Taj Mahal except that the place is definitely not a palace.
 

You might convince yourself that the steal of a price is worth the hassle of holding your host's hand, but it's not. You'll either be barraged with overbearing emails or left completely clueless, then feel like you're on a bad blind date that starts in someone's bedroom.
 

There are no shades of privacy when renting someone's house: you either have it or you don't. Anyone who's qualifying the idea of privacy isn't going to give it to you.

There's nothing wrong with simple lodgings, but there's a fine line between minimalism and insane asylum.

It doesn't take a genius to write a description of a bedroom. If someone can't clearly convey information about their home, they probably aren't competent enough to prepare it for habitation. Alternatively, if a description reads like magical realism, don't expect to walk into a fantasy.

An artist's studio or basement or loft is code for storage shed or dungeon or freezing-cold cavern, all of which will be filled with half-finished art, spilled supplies, and the stench of unfulfilled dreams.

Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email, and get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun.

Dan Gentile is a staff writer at Thrillist. Do you want to stay at his place? Let him check his calendar real quick. In the meantime, follow him to five-star reviews at @Dannosphere.