Because we all enjoy sitting at the best Italian restaurant in the city and hearing how the food is so much better in Italy where every restaurant apparently sources its ingredients from tiny hillside farms owned by old men named Salvatore who’ve spent their entire lives herding goats and picking tomatoes themselves.
How to mess with him: Ask him to define “terroir” and explain the difference between marinara and red sauce.
Captain I Hate America
Nothing quite like a guy who’s spent his life reaping the benefits of American culture and affluence who spends four months in Europe and then won’t shut up about the American Rat Race, how we do everything wrong, and are trying to ruin the world. Four months does not a life make, bro.
How to mess with him: Ask him how he passed 10th grade history.
Though it may be commonplace in “Bar-THE-lona” to go out to dinner at 11pm, sit there for three hours, and then hit the discos, you fail to remember that the local P.F. Chang’s closes at 10pm. And no, egg rolls do not count as tapas.
How to mess with him: Tell him he needs to see a speech therapist about that newfound lisp.