Of course, Austin leads the way to the bedroom as the country’s no. 1 buyer of condoms, while ranking 15th for baby-making, and 23rd for STDs, which means either those Trojans are breaking too often, or simply aren’t being used. Dallas claims second place, ranking fifth for rubber sales, sixth for getting pregnant, and -- itching slightly less than Austin -- 25th for STDs. Columbus, OH, came in third place, because what else is there to do in Columbus, OH? But really, the city ranked 13th for condom purchases, 22nd for births, and 15th for STDs. Ouch.
There are worse places to be for contracting unwanted diseases, though; namely, Indianapolis, IN (no. 6) which has the crappiest (crabbiest?) STD ranking on the list, with the country’s 12th highest rate. As for babies, Bakersfield, CA (no. 9) puts the most buns in the oven, pushing out the 3rd highest birth rate in the US.