The Meanest One-Star Reviews of America's Most Popular Attractions

Every year, millions of people travel from all over the world to enjoy America's most popular attractions. And every year, hundreds of people with nothing better to do leave scathing reviews of those same attractions on Yelp. We chose 10 of the nation's most popular tourist traps, and found the harshest, most brutal, and just plain insulting one-star reviews posted on their Yelp pages. The results speak for themselves.

Orlando, FL

“Hell. 

Absolute Hell. 

If I ever have offspring I'm not taking them here. I don't care. Call DCFS. I'm not putting myself through a week of Disney-induced nausea just to see their little toothless faces light up at the sight of an obnoxious giant mouse. 

Wisconsin Dells it is, kids. Just like your fellow middle class neighbor friends with overworked and underpaid parents, The Waterpark Capital of The World will have to do.” - Wayne C.

“I was forced to enter this PLASTIC HELL when I lived in Florida and now I don't even want to go anywhere near Orlando and the stinking cesspool that is RATLAND...I will never go back, you can't make me...

Also a word of warning taking acid and riding the We are the World ride is NOT a good idea...Not saying I've done it but I've heard the stories...that's some scary ass shit...Oh and watch out for those costumed characters they'll hump you like a Jack Russell Terrier if you're not careful.” - Todd E.
 

Bloomington, MN

“If I could have given it 0 stars I would. Where do I start?? My biggest complaint is not having COKE!!! The Superior Cola.  WTF!!! Why would you not have Coke. Are you afraid of a better product having better sales??? I can not believe McDonalds did not have Coke. What is this world coming to??

On a less serious note, I expected the stores to be better. Larger and more selection.” - A.A.

“Mall of America is a poorly designed dump that has no purpose other than being big. It's really not that big. MOA attracts lots of ghetto trash and has poor security. The stores inside are worthless. They have GNC and Vitamin world but no natural health food store. They have no high end shops either. If you like walking around in circle admiring the ghetto trash people than you'll love MOA. Whoever designed this place did a very poor job. Go to Eden Prairie Center and notice the difference.” - Ryker R.

“If you've ever wondered if bigger was always better, ask someone with a wart or a metastatic tumor.

Most of the mall's store slots are filled with the same chains you see everywhere else in North American Suburbia, except that they have multiple copies of the same store within the same mall. If you've ever had the displeasure of walking into a Blockbuster rental store, it's the same sort of marketing idea- if we fill the square footage the same craptastic SKU over and over again, there's a fraction of the population that will be suggestible enough to purchase something they wouldn't have purchased otherwise." - Blorch H.

Anaheim, CA

“went again.

BIRTHDAY FREE ENTRY IS OVER!!!???? WHAT??????
WTF.” - C.L.

“There's a reason why all the rides break down--Americans are FAT. And I don't mean chunky or even chunkified--I mean horribly obese. I've never seen so many super sized people trying to shuffle around anywhere. If Disneyland represents the average American, someone really needs to invent a cure for obesity - and fast. Oh, wait--that's right....someone did--and I think it's called exercise. 

If the "happiest place on earth" means: Craptacular food, rapist prices for even the most worthless trinket, horrifically long lines, testicle squeezing crowds....oh and boring rides....then go nuts! IMHO sitting at a bus stop all day is a far more pleasant way to spend time.”  - Nobody M.

“What a trainwreck! You can't turn your head without being sold something. Everything is expensive, and there are fat people on scooters everywhere. They almost hit me a couple of times. It was like a herd of water buffalo on motorcycles. A scary picture to be sure.

You wait in line for two hours for a 2 minute ride? Come on! Where is the booze!

I can understand for kids, but for adults this is the biggest waste of money and time I can imagine....” - randall S.

“I used to love Disneyland UNTIL they started being assholes:
Apparently you can't dress like any of their characters if you're an adult. While we were talking to the manager about our own issue, a young woman wearing a yellow skirt, royal blue top, and red band in her hair wasn't let in. We advised her to put on a jacket and go through a different turnstyle." Joy L.

New York, NY

“Meh. It's a park. A very big park. Who cares? I like living in a city because I hate nature, so why would I go to a park? :)” - Jenny b.

“I don't understand why Central Park has 27 baseball diamonds and not a single soccer field. It's kind of sad.” - Stephen d.

“I don't know, this place really isn't that great. I really prefer not being able to see the sunlight and being encased in a cool temple of concrete. I live a block away in the 70's but I haven't set food in the park in almost four years. Last time I saw people with canines and they did not have the decency to tether them. Unless you want to be humped into unconsciousness and possibly attacked by packs of wild animals I would stay out.” - J. C.

“Its essentially a vast golf course. Has that same feel. Nature is present ONLY in careful little 'museum exhibits'. Really, the whole park is that way: a forlorn, xenophobic, vapid, 'tree-museum'. Oh look, here's one right now--and yes, look at that one over there, too. How nice. Let's walk over there and see it.” - Jorge G.

Boston, MA

“fat tourists in ugly shorts. if that's your thing then have at. if your a local, or a savvy out of towner do your homework on Yelp and you'll find much better everything elsewhere quite easily.” - Steve N.

“WHY IS THERE NO AIR CONDITIONING IN THIS TOURIST TRAP?!
Fans do not cold air make. If you're looking for lots of food choices and a disproportionate amount of overpriced ice cream, this would be the place for that.” - Caro D.

“Tourist trap whooping doo” - Chri S.

“Why are there so many stars????

Uber-touristy. Smells like old grease. You will smell like old grease. I wouldn't eat here, evah!  Oh and to park in the parking structure for one hour... $23!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!!!!” - Cassie P.

San Francisco, CA

“Ick. Can we just cede this thing to San Jose and get it over with already?

Fisherman's Wharf has exactly two redeeming qualities: The Bush Guy and the sea lions. The Bush Guy can take his act anywhere, and I'm sure he has, and the sea lions didn't even live here until 1989. I'm pretty happy that they made so many Marina people angry, and they're very cute, but I miss sea lions on Seal Rocks.

Seriously.  

People of San Jose, we have a very under-utilized and tourist-overrun piece of property to offer you. You'll get millions of dollars in tax revenue. All we ask is that you don't refer to this "neighborhood" as a part of San Francisco. Fisherman's Wharf of San Jose. It has a nice, honest ring to it, right?" - John S.

“Gross.” - Kate F.

“This place is gross and it smells like stale lady parts and reaks of chain restaurants and poor examples of badly executed notions of Americana.

When I think of my city and where to avoid, this tourist trap is basically at the top of my list.

Also, one time I took a friend visiting here and against my advice, he ordered a street crab sandwich. He was legitimately sweating and pooping all day. Like, I was competing with every toilet in sf for his attention.

Half a star for the seals at Pier 39, because they are fun to watch when you are stoned. Other half of my forced star goes to the view out on the water, I guess it is pretty... But there are plenty of places that have pretty views in SF, so... Suck it, fisherman's wharf.

In sum - don't go here if you hate cliches, and don't eat here unless you like sweating and pooping without restraint.” - Valerie H.

Arizona

“Whoopity do, Grand Canyon. You are a giant hole in the ground. You were caused be erosion. You don't have roller coasters or dippin' dots. Jeeesh. Can you say 'overrated?'” - jorbi p.

“ehh. i've seen better. big woop.” - Barry G.

San Francisco, CA

“Hardly any guard rails at all. Very easy to jump or fall off... So many kids climbing and frolicking. Easily in the top ten most unsafe places i have EVER BEEN TO!!!!! Wont go back without some type of harness and rope system to prevent an accident.” - Safety G.

“Not sure what all these five star reviews are about, this bridge sucks!! International Orange? That isn't even a real color, bridges aren't allowed to invent color names. It's smaller, has less cars, and is younger than the Bay Bridge. I grew up in Marin, went to school in San Francisco, and commuted to San Francisco for several years, so I have probably crossed the bridge a couple thousand times, and it sucks just as much every time. Even worse, they have a monopoly on SF/Marin transportation. The same people that run the Bridge also run the Ferries and Buses! You are all pawns in their game!

TL/DR: Golden Gate Bridge = Comcast with a better marketing team.” - Jordan A.

“Went on the bridge, found it to be too windy, quite large and painted like a whore. once i got across i was told there is another bridge to the city any way so its like a total waste. The view of the city was ok, but made the city look funny. We were glad to get the fudge outta marin though, that place sucks, especially out on the coast. I was like, "whats up with that?" Oh well, thats san francisco, the kid rock of cities.

Right?” - Jordan M.

Chicago, IL

“Lobsterfest. $38 lobster meal, $10 lobster taco, wtf... The only thing keeping us at navy pier longer that day was the carny on the mic, keeping it trill as fuh. Thank you carny.” - ​Stephanie C.

“1. Fill your bathtub with water. 2. Rope-off the bathtub area 3. Invite a family of eight over to share your bathroom space 4. Purchase a package of six Push-Pops 5. Flush an extra $2 down the toilet.
Replicate the Navy Pier experience in the comfort of your own home!” - Brian T.

“It's just some mall.” - Paul M.

”The stench of rotted fish is masked only by the smell of Chicagoans who bathe no more than once a week. While recreating elements from the turn of the century may sound exciting, this experience is equally unintentional and undesirable.

PS - The parking is ample” - Michael U.

New York, NY

“This is the place common sense forgot. Of course its perfectly ok to stop in the middle of the street to take a picture of a garbage can. I guess what I'm trying to say is, watch out for tourists. Also, the vendors jack up the prices here, so don't buy anything. And stop gawking!” - Tom T.

“The only worse thing in the world than Times Square is Times Square when everyone has an umbrella. Probably the worst place in the world. Like being at war w/ humanity. Stay away!!!” - Lacey P.

“Fuck Times Square to death with an axe.” - Thompson P.

“I do not like Times Square. It is overwhelming.
Last time I was there I saw Spiderman (!)
He was charging $6 for a picture with him - proceeds to pay for his schooling as a massage therapist. Puh-lease.” - Flora B.

“Blergh.
Why can't you be grimey the way you were in my youth before Guilliani sent all the hookers and drug dealers away on a barge destined for the dumps in Fresh Kills?” - Lady O.

Gianni Jaccoma is an editorial assistant for Thrillist Travel, and and is fluent in more than seven languages that he made up himself. Follow him on Twitter at @gjaccoma.