23 Signs You're a Basic Tourist
If you read the internet at all these days -- and since you're reading this article, we know you do -- it's pretty much impossible to avoid people who've been derisively labeled as “Basic.” Usually, it's the result of their penchant for bad reality TV, overpriced chain juice bars, $75 yoga clothes, and steroids. And while most of us have learned about “basic behavior” (and how to avoid it), it still seems to be as ubiquitous as a selfie stick.
Which is why in the spirit of awareness (self or otherwise), we've compiled this list of 23 things that, if you find yourself doing them, probably make you a basic tourist.
Taking a picture of your plane wing
Wow. So clouds from 30,000ft look… white and fluffy. Who’d have guessed? Also, that logo on the wingtip just told the whole world you fly Southwest.
Wearing Velour on the plane
All that Juicy suit says is, “I pay way too much for pajamas.”
Getting engaged in front of a landmark
If your marriage is going to start off with this kind of cliché, you might as well just start sleeping with your personal trainer now.
Bringing aboard your “service” dog
Going through Starbucks withdrawl isn’t enough to justify bringing a Pomeranian on this plane. Though being a devoted fan of any Real Housewives program might be.
Posting screenshots of the current temperature
Congratulations. You lack the creativity to take a beach selfie.
Eating anywhere because you saw it on a reality show
The food at any restaurant that would allow the cast of Bad Girls Club is going to taste like an ashtray.
Asking for an upgrade. Anywhere.
Luxury travel accounts for about a third of airline, hotel, and cruise-line profits. Charging rich people luxury rates effectively allows them to charge you much less. Giving it to your for free because you asked nicely isn’t keeping anyone in business.
Getting that upgrade and drinking like you’re at a wedding
Have you been to an open bar before? Have you been on a plane? Combining the two isn’t nearly as mind blowing as genetically splicing a mouse gene with a tomato, but for some reason you don’t get as excited about that GMO salad.
Ordering a region-specific wine that you can get at 7-11
Because, like, Kendall Jackson tastes waaaaay better when you order it in San Francisco.
Saying something is better because of the tap water, ever
Easy there, Heisenberg. You must have the same degree in amateur food chemistry as every New Yorker.
Berating a gate agent/baggage handler/taxi driver
You’re right: they may be the most incompetent people you’ve ever met. Especially if you’re in Florida. But reminding them of that fact isn’t going to make them any better at their job, which you’ll find they do alarmingly well when your bag “accidentally” ends up in Winnipeg.
Taking pictures in an art museum
Let's be honest, that selfie in front of The Persistence of Memory didn't get 400 likes because people were impressed by your duckface.
Insisting on eating at a region-specific chain. Just for Instagram.
Funny how In-N-Out Burger is somehow “MY FAAAAAAAAVORITE (heart)” when you’ve never actually been west of Pittsburgh.
Posting pictures of the inside of your hotel room
It looks like... a hotel room. Congratulations.
Freaking out because your destination doesn’t have a spin studio
You COULD rent an actual bicycle and ride around the Pyrenees. But then there’s no free bottled water and techno music, so really, what’s the point?
You complain about coffee that isn't Starbucks. In Italy.
Sorry they don’t serve pumpkin spice espressos in Rome's finer cafes.
Posting pictures of shopping bags from stores you have back home
Just couldn’t control yourself when you saw that H&M in South Beach, could you? Because, ya know, they’ve got flip flops at that one.
Laughing about how you only speak one language
NEWSFLASH: Your taxi driver is laughing at you, not with you. Mostly because he’s going to use your “lack of communication” to turn a one-block trip into a 15km taxi ride.
Oh, you've got a tablet?! That's cute. The locals in whatever country you're in aren't impressed. Unless by "locals" you mean "muggers who know they can resell that thing in, like, five minutes."
Renting a $100,000 car. For three hours.
And don’t act like you’re a "car enthusiast" who wants the “driving experience.” The handling of a Lambo going 2mph on the Vegas Strip is exactly the same as a Hyundai.
Drinking to excess on the plane
You know the only thing worse than sitting next to somebody at a bar who’s been over served and thinks they’re hilarious? Sitting next to them when the only way out is a 30,000ft drop.
Wearing sunglasses on the flight home. At night.
How cool, you went harder in Reno this weekend than anybody has ever gone in the history of going hard. Or Reno. But they’ll be dimming the cabin lights soon, so you can go ahead and take off those aviators.
Refusing to take public transportation, anywhere
Just because you'd never take the subway back home, doesn’t mean riding it ever automatically makes you some sorta vagabond. There are transit systems around the world that are cleaner (and safer!) than your car.