23 Signs You're a Basic Tourist

If you read the internet at all these days -- and since you're reading this article, we know you do -- it's pretty much impossible to avoid people who've been derisively labeled as “Basic.” Usually, it's the result of their penchant for bad reality TV, overpriced chain juice bars, $75 yoga clothes, and steroids. And while most of us have learned about “basic behavior” (and how to avoid it), it still seems to be as ubiquitous as a selfie stick.

Which is why in the spirit of awareness (self or otherwise), we've compiled this list of 23 things that, if you find yourself doing them, probably make you a basic tourist.

Wow. So clouds from 30,000ft look… white and fluffy. Who’d have guessed? Also, that logo on the wingtip just told the whole world you fly Southwest.
 

 All that Juicy suit says is, “I pay way too much for pajamas.”
 

If your marriage is going to start off with this kind of cliché, you might as well just start sleeping with your personal trainer now.

Going through Starbucks withdrawl isn’t enough to justify bringing a Pomeranian on this plane. Though being a devoted fan of any Real Housewives program might be.
 

Congratulations. You lack the creativity to take a beach selfie.
 

The food at any restaurant that would allow the cast of Bad Girls Club is going to taste like an ashtray.
 

Luxury travel accounts for about a third of airline, hotel, and cruise-line profits. Charging rich people luxury rates effectively allows them to charge you much less. Giving it to your for free because you asked nicely isn’t keeping anyone in business.

Have you been to an open bar before? Have you been on a plane? Combining the two isn’t nearly as mind blowing as genetically splicing a mouse gene with a tomato, but for some reason you don’t get as excited about that GMO salad.
 

Because, like, Kendall Jackson tastes waaaaay better when you order it in San Francisco.
 

Easy there, Heisenberg. You must have the same degree in amateur food chemistry as every New Yorker.
 

You’re right: they may be the most incompetent people you’ve ever met. Especially if you’re in Florida. But reminding them of that fact isn’t going to make them any better at their job, which you’ll find they do alarmingly well when your bag “accidentally” ends up in Winnipeg.

Let's be honest, that selfie in front of The Persistence of Memory didn't get 400 likes because people were impressed by your duckface.
 

Funny how In-N-Out Burger is somehow “MY FAAAAAAAAVORITE (heart)” when you’ve never actually been west of Pittsburgh.
 

It looks like... a hotel room. Congratulations.
 

You COULD rent an actual bicycle and ride around the Pyrenees. But then there’s no free bottled water and techno music, so really, what’s the point?

Sorry they don’t serve pumpkin spice espressos in Rome's finer cafes.
 

Just couldn’t control yourself when you saw that H&M in South Beach, could you? Because, ya know, they’ve got flip flops at that one.
 

NEWSFLASH: Your taxi driver is laughing at you, not with you. Mostly because he’s going to use your “lack of communication” to turn a one-block trip into a 15km taxi ride.
 

Oh, you've got a tablet?! That's cute. The locals in whatever country you're in aren't impressed. Unless by "locals" you mean "muggers who know they can resell that thing in, like, five minutes."

And don’t act like you’re a "car enthusiast" who wants the “driving experience.” The handling of a Lambo going 2mph on the Vegas Strip is exactly the same as a Hyundai.

You know the only thing worse than sitting next to somebody at a bar who’s been over served and thinks they’re hilarious? Sitting next to them when the only way out is a 30,000ft drop.

How cool, you went harder in Reno this weekend than anybody has ever gone in the history of going hard. Or Reno. But they’ll be dimming the cabin lights soon, so you can go ahead and take off those aviators.

Just because you'd never take the subway back home, doesn’t mean riding it ever automatically makes you some sorta vagabond. There are transit systems around the world that are cleaner (and safer!) than your car.