The island of Crete is not only the largest and most populous of the Greek islands, it's also the most baller. Rich in history and mythology, it's seen the likes of Minoans (no bull!), Romans, Byzantines, Venetians, and now, you. Enter: Blue Palace Resort and Spa
Looking like somewhere Daenerys Targaryen left her dragons, the poolside veranda features an elaborately constructed series of Greek rounded arches jutting out opulently into a swimming pool while the sun majestically sets in the background, with no sign of that a**hole Theon Greyjoy
If you find yourself disinterested in grandiose architecture, breathtaking views, and Game of Thrones references, fear not! The rooms at Blue are equipped with hedonistic, Greek-like comforts such as couches, 320 thread count pure cotton satin sheets on luxury beds, and a "pillow menu" that'll no doubt leave you with cotton mouth
Many of the rooms come with their very own private pools/decks, thus enabling you to practice jackknifes in your Speedo with little to no interruption.
Grab a bite at their suspiciously doorless taverna, Blue Door, where local fishermen supply fresh, daily-caught swimmers to pair with traditional Greek meze, plus bouzouki entertainment every Monday and Friday
Embrace your inner Ryan Lochte and remember that "whether swimming or at life, always do your best". Or don't try to comprehend such deep thoughts, and instead wonder at the fact that even with all the water surrounding you, this island has, like, a million pools.