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Not Only is the Lizard Man Real, He's Also Totally Shredded

Published On 08/03/2015 Published On 08/03/2015

Stop the presses: local news outlets in South Carolina are claiming the reappearance of Lee County's "Lizard Man," based on newly released evidence that appears to show the scaly monster in broad daylight. Sure, it looks a bit wonky, but if The Mothman Prophecies taught us anything, it's to never discount the possibility of Richard Gere discovering a supernatural monster in the backwoods of rural America.

While Mr. Gere's admittedly not involved in this particular story, Lizard Man sightings were first reported in the area back in the '80s, and appear to have tapered off in the decades since -- until a woman (who identified herself only as "Sarah") claimed to have seen the elusive man-beast scampering along the tree line as she left church this past Sunday afternoon. She then snapped this terrifying, high-resolution photo on her potato phone: 

That's some incontrovertible stuff right there.

Sure, it appears to contradict earlier statements describing Lizard Man as having green skin, instead bearing a closer resemblance to the McDonald's Grimace after a few months of CrossFit training, but don't let those details get in the way. There's seriously no chance this is a guy in a suit -- you can't fake muscles like that.

A local man (who refused to reveal his name) was so emboldened by seeing the photo on the news that he submitted some amateur footage of his own to the local ABC affiliate. Disclaimer: the video you're about to see is graphic, horrifying, and on par with the alien reveal in the movie Signs.


If that doesn't give you the willies, nothing will.

Gianni Jaccoma is a staff writer for Thrillist, and he wishes he was this yoked. Follow his mass cultivation on Twitter @gjaccoma, and send your news tips to news@thrillist.com

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