Tired of being addressed as "Dude", "Bro", or "Dudebro"? Wanna finally impress the ex-cheerleaders at your High School reunion? Just looking for an excuse to wear a kilt to work? Well, if you've got $50 (you do), one company has a solution for all that ails you.
While some people believe money can't buy you class, the folks at Highland Titles believe otherwise: for the low, low price of $50, you can call yourself an honest-to-goodness Scottish Lord. Ya know, just as legit as Indiana Jones.
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In an effort to save the Glencoe and Lochaber portions of the Keil Hill estate in western Scotland from being developed, Highland Titles is splitting up the property into individual plots and offering them up to ordinary folks from around the world. $50 to the first person who can spot these places on a map without Googling them.
Available plots range from 1 to 1,000sqft in size, starting at $49.99 each, but here's where it gets interesting: according to Highland Titles, "the legal owner of a Scottish estate of any size may call themselves a Laird (Lord) or Lady."
This article? Written by none other than Lord Gianni Jaccoma. Sounds profoundly Scottish.
Yes, purchasing even one square foot of land allows you to legally style yourself as Laird, Lord, or Lady of Glencoe. You'll receive an official certificate of sale (pictured above), as well as a Master Title Deed with which you can update your bank accounts, driver's license, and any other form of ID to reflect your new Lordly status.
As for whether having "Lord" on your license actually serves a purpose, well, let's just say you'll probably get more mileage from a PBA card.
Your lordship also includes a map and GPS coordinates, allowing you to visit your Highland homestead whenever you damn well please -- or whenever you've got the means to fly your ass to Scotland, that is. You can even wear the traditional Glencoe tartan when you visit, an entitlement that many Scottish clans take quite seriously.
That being said, you probably risk grievous bodily harm if you roam the Highlands in a kilt whilst proclaiming yourself a Lord in an affected Scottish accent. Just something to keep in mind.