Being a toy would be a pretty good gig. Yeah, you’ve gotta spend a few hours a day getting manhandled by a 5-year-old, and there’s always the danger of a dog mistaking you for a Beggin’ Strip. But the rest of the time, you get to chill in a toy box, or -- a la certain Disney Pixar movies -- come to life and have the run of the house.
Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida is giving you a chance to be a toy. Kinda. On June 30, it’ll welcome Toy Story Land at Disney’s Hollywood Studios, an 11-acre park where guests will feel as if they’ve shrunk to the size of a toy. The whole place is set up to look like an oversized version of Andy’s backyard, full of gigantic plants, Tinkertoy towers, and hulking statues of Toy Story toys.
The park will also feature two new rides and a restaurant called Woody’s Lunch Box. No word on whether or not they will be serving Capri Sun.
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Remember as a kid, watching a Slinky floomp down the stairs and wondering how the hell that worked? Chances are it was a countdown to having a twisted or hyperextended Slinky, all experiences you’ll re-live on Toy Story Land’s signature roller coaster, the Slinky Dog Dash. The big, red coaster will “send riders dipping, dodging and dashing around turns and drops that Andy has created to stretch Slinky and his coils to the max,” according to Disney.
Riders will traverse the tracks in cars made to look like the animated Slinky Dog, but don’t expect a toybox take on Space Mountain. The ride’s being described as “family-friendly,” and while it's a fun trip through one of your favorite movies, won’t be making any scariest coaster lists anytime soon. The tracks constructed thus far don’t look overly intimidating, so even folks who are usually relegated to holding everyone’s phones at theme parks can enjoy this one.
Alien Swirling Saucers headline the other big new ride, easily the coolest-ever attraction themed after a fictional pizza shop giveaway. The set is reminiscent of a 1950s B-Movie, with a Paul Bunyan-sized Buzz Lightyear statue guarding the entrance. The guest-as-toy theme continues as aliens swirling above in UFOs try and capture riders with the revered vending machine claw. The ride will be an orgy of bright lights, clever music, and high-tech special effects, though it’s not clear if the ride includes the claw saving you from an incinerator in a tear-jerking finale.
In addition to all of this, Disney will add a third track to the massively popular Toy Story Mania! ride. Which hopefully will make wait times a little shorter to minimize your mania.
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They’re taking the theme seriously at Woody’s Lunch Box, created out of a partnership with that greatest of lunchbox staples: Mini Babybel cheese wheels. Details on the menu have yet to be released, but odds are Andy’s Lunch Box won’t be featuring the latest in molecular gastronomy. Unless, of course, said gastronomy includes root beer and ice cream floats, which the quick-service window will have in abundance. How one would fit into a lunchbox is unclear, but when you’re pretending to be shrunk down to a world of living toys, it seems wise not to dwell on lunchbox capacity.
When asked for an idea of an opening date, a toy Buzz Lightyear simply responded, “to infinity and beyond!” Which seemed a little vague for when to visit. Disney was slightly more helpful, citing June 30 as the specific date. Your chance to be a toy for a day is near, and you won’t even have to freeze in panic every time a human walks in the room.
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Matt Meltzer is a contributing writer to Thrillist who absolutely did not well up at the end of Toy Story 3. Follow him on Instagram @meltrez1.