If the closest you've come to partying like a Rockefeller involved brown bagging it outside the doors at 30 Rock and telling Bobby Moynihan you wanted to see a real celebrity, then the time has come to change all that. Puerto Rico's Dorado Beach Reserve sits on 50 acres of oceanfront property that formerly belonged to said family of magnates, though the Ritz-Carlton has added three golf courses, a José Andrés' restaurant, and coladas! Once a plantation, the private retreat now boasts 115 guest rooms that all look out into blue Atlantic waters. Here's your run-of-the-mill infinity edge pool casually surrounded day beds and an epic coastline view. If you think even luxury travelers are gross, then reserve an oceanfront suite and use its private "plunge" pool, instead. What's that? You think even people who rent oceanfront suites to avoid luxury travelers are gross?! Well then book Su Casa, the original 1920s hacienda that sits right on the waters edge. Here you can see the living room, dining area, and, if you look carefully through those doors, an expansive veranda that leads to a private garden and backyard complete with... ...a monstrous infinity-edge pool with stupid-breathtaking views of your private freaking beach. Being awesome is exhausting, so relax a bit at the 5-acre Spa Botánico, where indigenous botanical treatments and open-air massages are delivered in a tropical treehouse treatment room. And if you're uncomfrotable popping off your shirt off due to your Mickelson man boobs, do what Phil would do and hit one of three Robert Trent Jones Jr-designed courses, all the while telling your caddie that you really wish they had Biltmore.