Current slogan: Greatest Snow on Earth!
Utah, solid guy. Your friend who doesn't even have a widescreen and everyone watches the game at his house anyway? That's Utah. An all-around good dude, that Utah, just a real straight shooter.
Better slogan: We're Keeping the Bees Alive
Current Slogan: Vermont, Naturally
What to make of Vermont? Maple syrup, bone-cold winters, Ben & Jerry's, which continues to churn out great, funky ice cream despite being acquired by conglomerate Unilever, a company that also manufactures Marmite and AXE body spray.
Vermont is a place where people go to grow old and wise over the course of a week-long backpacking hike. It's a place with a guru on every mountaintop, who'll tell you the meaning of life, but then she'll want to play Hacky Sack and smoke a bowl with you. This was totally worth the $1,000 you spent to buy boots, a sleeping bag, a tent, and a tiny fold-up stove you couldn't figure out how to turn on.
Better Slogan: Liberals Who Actually Drive Stick
Current slogan: Virginia Is for Lovers
Everyone who lives in Virginia is a spy, FBI agent, congressperson, or general all-time best lover. That means Virginia contains a hotbed of sexy swingers. The state has such an extraordinary amount of pent-up non-monogamous, sex-positive energy, it doesn't allow its governors to serve consecutive terms in office. Never stop playing the field, Virginia.
Better slogan: Wink, Wink
Current slogan: Washington: The State
While it is important to differentiate between the District of Columbia and the state, it's a pretty low bar.
What about adding a little font magic:
- WASHINGTON: The State
- Washington: The State?
- Washington: A State.
- Or maybe an anagram: "A Tan Teat's Showing"
Better slogan: Don't Ask About Kurt Cobain -- We Have Pinot Noir Now!
Current slogan: Wild, Wonderful West Virginia
According to its tourism website, West Virginia is a place to make childhood memories. Slightly blurry, distant memories that likely end in a trip to the ER, which turn out to be pretty great memories after all, when you're taking off your shirt and answering onlookers' questions about those wild, wonderful surgical scars criss-crossing your torso.
Better slogan: Only Makes You Stronger
Current slogan: Stay Just a Little Bit Longer
The slogan of a party dying at 11:30pm. Your primary form of hat is a foam piece of cheese, apparently, so how do you guys not throw fun parties? Can that be true? If so, here's a table of average monthly high and low temps in Milwaukee, so you'll have something to keep the party going till 11:45 or so:
Better slogan: You Have to Stay a Little Longer -- Your Flight's Been Canceled Due to Inclement Weather
Current slogan: That's Wyoming
I always appreciate the humble tourism slogans. "This is who we are, no more, no less. Love us, or leave us."
I imagine Wyoming as a Gold Rush-era, half-renovated wooden opera house, hosting a teenaged cello virtuoso. She plays Bach, Sonata in G & D minor. A few passing cowboys remove their hats out of respect, stopping into the theater because they heard beauty and couldn't help their curiosity. They shed tears of amazement that leave clean streaks down their dusty, chapped cheeks. "Ain't never heard a fiddle like that," one says. The rest nod, look at the floor, and sniff, once, real hard.
Better slogan: Almost Nothing Lives Here