On a domestic red-eye
Step 1: Book a red-eye flight. According to our FAs, “nobody really gives a fuck on those flights" so, if you think about it, you're almost half way there and you haven't even boarded yet.
Step 2: Select the aisle and window seats of the same row, ideally on a flight that doesn't typically sell out. Since people rarely choose middle seats, if everything works out, you SHOULD have a whole row to yourselves.
Step 3: Wait until the meal service has ended in first class and the cabin lights go out. Watch the lights in the FRONT of the plane -- when they go out too, that’s your cue.
Step 4: Snuggle up under a blanket that you brought in your carry-on bag. Nobody needs to be playing the STD blame game when the real culprit is an airplane quilt.
Step 5: “The seats are so cramped that you wouldn’t believe the ridiculous positions people sleep in,” said the flight attendants. So the passengers could conceivably do "reverse cowgirl." Or any other position that looks like you’re sleeping, really.
Step 6: Do it under the blanket. But remember, be quiet, people are sleeping/watching Eat Pray Love right next to you!