Bachelor parties were once a pretty cool idea. The boys would all get together a couple nights before the wedding, have a few too many adult beverages, and pay a woman in Lucite platforms to whip you onstage for the enjoyment of your buddies and anyone else who hits the strip club on a Thursday.
But somewhere along the line, this celebration of “one last night of singlehood” turned into an entire weekend. Which I actually understand, because as we get older, guys’ weekends become harder and harder to organize. And the idea of getting everyone together for a few days is actually kind of sweet.
The problem is, nobody goes cheap for THEIR bachelor party. Oh, no. It’s a once in a lifetime experience, which means we all need to party like second-round NFL draft picks. This means an entire weekend of eating overpriced steaks, waiting in club lines, and private rooms at the strip joint where orange juice costs $21.
Replace “strip club” with “insanely expensive hotel spa,” and bachelorette parties are the same beast in a white veil.
Newsflash pal: it’s a bachelor party, not a rap video. And unless you all of a sudden became biffles with Floyd Mayweather, most of us can’t afford it. Now I'm left with a choice of either not going, or missing my next five student loan payments.