If you call any of Miami's best clubs and kindly inform them that you’re rolling in 10 dudes deep on a Saturday night, they’re going to hang up on you. Put the phone down. You need women. And your best bet, as tired as it sounds, is to find some waiting in line outside and invite them to join your table. Voila! You’ve not only gotten yourself in (assuming you’re also dropping $5-10k on a table), but you’ve got some women to talk to. Until someone else offers to buy them a drink.
Now as for where to go...
For a club you can actually get into with your group: Club Space
The music is typically better than in the South Beach spots, though the collection of ladies may not be exactly what the Travel Channel promised. Also, Space gets going a lot later than other clubs, unless you catch them on a night with a big DJ.
For an only-in-Miami experience: Mango’s
It's that beachfront joint that looks like Hooters, but with dancing Brazilian girls. Overpriced, average food, and only worth hitting for the waitresses. But it is uniquely Miami.
For meeting local women you might actually have a chance with: Baoli
If you happen to get into town on a Wednesday, this Med/Asian fusion resto-club has the best Ladies Night in the history of ladies nights. The “My Boyfriend’s Out of Town” party is a regular stop for local women looking to cut loose and find dudes. And most of said dudes at Baoli are European, so your complete lack of accent and pre-club cologne bath will actually make you seem “exotic”.
For drinking on the (relatively) cheap: The Dive Bars...
If you’re the type of group who likes to fly 2,000 miles to sit in the same dark, dingy dive bars you have at home, we got you covered (and are only sorta judging). Be warned, though, that smoking in bars is not only allowed but encouraged, so don’t plan on re-wearing your favorite tuxedo t-shirt; especially if you hit Mac’s Club Deuce, our most famous dive that you can literally smell from a block away. If that intimidates you, Lost Weekend is a locals’ hangout with pool and craft beers. Or further South, stop into Ted’s Hideaway and appreciate the best looking dive bar staff this side of Miami-Dade County.
For beers other than PBR and Natty Light: Craft Beer Bars
While we may be on the cutting edge of electronic music and synthetic drugs, we are about a decade behind when it comes to beer. So our craft beer offerings tend to be fairly limited. Your best selection is going to be at Yard House (see, we told you), however if you’re morally opposed to drinking at a chain on vacation, check out Abbey Brewing Company, Rio Station, and Burger & Beer Joint.