Join the 'Mile Low Club' in this sexy submarine built for you know what

Sex at altitude is so last year -- the place to make a serious move is 700ft below sea level. Oliver’s Travels, a UK-based upmarket travel site, is taking bookings for a private submarine excursion called The Lovers Deep; launched just in time for Valentine's Day, drop $284,000 to treat your lady friend to some next-level underwater romance. 

Let's start with the 'getting there' part. Your bespoke sub's moored off the coast of your choice, and helicopter transfers to the dock are included (obvi).

The sex vessel comes staffed with a captain, chef, and butler, and there’s a special concierge team on hand, happy to organize anything from a sunset stroll and a catered dinner on a private island to rose-petal scatterings and Barry White tunes (for real).

What would a romantic evening be without a menu of food to get you in the mood, like champagne, oysters, caviar, and chocolate fondants?

“Everything’s better, down where it's wetter, under the sea” in your luxury two-person shower.

And this, friends, is where the magic happens. Unless you're claustrophobic, in which case you should probably stay on dry land.

How deep is your love? Book it and find out.

Sophie-Claire Hoeller is Thrillist’s über-efficient German associate travel editor. She’s had frequent flyer status ever since her mother gave birth to her at a Lufthansa terminal. Follow her adventures @Sohostyle.