Those in the latter, more sunburnt camp will be pleased to learn that two brand-spanking-new clothing-optional resorts just opened in the Caribbean. One is a sleek, modern redux of an old classic in Cancun; the other, an ultra-luxurious boutique joint in Jamaica (private butlers!). Both are just a short flight from reality, and an excellent excuse to ditch this whole winter thing. So get out there and flaunt what the good Lord gave you.
Timothy DeLaGhetto and David So Devour all the Bacon at the Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival
Negril, Jamaica Rate: Starting at $409/night (November 1 -- December 22, based on double occupancy) Relaxing in the buff is a luxury, and these secluded high-end villas in Negril take luxury to a whooole new level. The pampering begins even before you get there: Guests of the Grand Lido are fast-tracked through customs at the airport in Montego Bay, and you’re granted access to the airport’s private lounge in case you need to button up any business before starting your week of naked bliss.
All 26 suites come with ocean views and a private butler who’s fully prepared to see you naked. A handful of the rooms boast private swim-out pools, so he won’t be the only one. The resort is all-inclusive, meaning your mini-bar is restocked on the reg and you’re welcome to enjoy cocktails from your own waterfront balcony. Room service is included too, a great option if the clothing requirements in the resorts’ dining rooms cramp your style. There’s also high-speed WiFi and satellite TV.
Really, there’s no reason to leave your suite, but if you do want some company there’s a nude pool so you can splash around with the neighbors. Guests also have full access to the Royalton Negril right next door. You’ll need to wear clothes, of course, but if you want to socialize by their giant pool or try some different food, you won’t have to go far to do it.
Cancun, Mexico Rate: Starting at $342/night (based on double occupancy) After closing temporarily during an 11-month renovation, Temptation Cancun now looks like something straight out of Vegas or the Macau strip. With a lot less clothing. The all-inclusive, topless-optional “adult lifestyle” resort feels like a sleek boutique hotel, with seven stories done up in purples and pastels, and curvy designs meant to be reminiscent of, well, curves. Ooo la la.
Each of the 430 rooms feature floor-to-ceiling windows and LED televisions, but the real action here is at the “Sexy Pool,” (yes, it’s actually called that). It’s essentially a never-ending pool party where sensual house music accompanies free-flowing premium liquor and a crowd of people who came to Mexico to do things they can’t back home. The modern-deco pool backs up onto the beach where topless tanning is encouraged and beach vendors are strictly prohibited. Of course, Temptation also has a “Quiet Pool,” if you’d rather read about girls with dragon tattoos than see them in the flesh.
While eating might not be at the top of everyone’s agenda at an adult playground, you’ve gotta do it sometime. The new Temptation eschews the traditional buffet in favor of a number of specialty restaurants that include Mexican, Italian and a chop-house style grill. The most notable is She, a bit of a throwback to the aphrodisiac-inspired eateries of the early 2000s. The multi-course menu is designed for couples to enjoy together (we call them sharing plates) and features foods meant to evoke all sorts of sensuality. Think duck wrapped in cinnamon and honey, orange foie gras, and vanilla and cognac-scented blackberries.
The nighttime shenanigans go down at BASH, the resort’s nightclub. Yes, there are nightly shows and resident DJs, but after a day of semi-naked tanning and dining on aphrodisiacs, guests are more in thrall of one other than of actual entertainers. Next month Temptation opens its more-relaxed rooftop option, Sky 3.5, which will offer craft cocktails and a panoramic view of the Caribbean. Gone are the tropical, Jimmy Buffett vibes of the old Temptation. But the modern revamp is an intriguing option for anyone looking to explore The Lifestyle.
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Matt Meltzer is a contributing writer to Thrillist who generally opts for clothes. Follow him on Instagram @meltrez1.