As you may recently have read, a couple of editors from a certain online publication decided to score Florida DEAD LAST in a highly debated ranking of the 50 states, behind such luminaries as North Dakota and Mississippi. Really, Mississippi? Really?!?!
And while the gut reaction of most Floridians is simply to say, “Haters gonna hate,” and go to the beach, I'm not most Floridians. And I’ve had about enough.
Okay, so yeah, if you've read me before, you know I do my fair share of mocking the Sunshine State -- Lord, I've pretty much built a career out of it. But you know why I make fun of Florida? Other than the fact that it's easy? Because I live here, that’s why. And kinda like how I can make fun of my older brother because he's fat and should work out more, once you do it, lines have been crossed.
So you can see why, when said editors decided to disparage my great state, it was up to me to attack them with an iguana. Or at the least, show them -- with one, well-tanned arm behind my back -- why they are completely wrong. And that's what I intend to do.
Although for the record, I'm not even going to mention the year-round sunshine, the gorgeous beaches, and the beautiful people to make this point. Other than to say, of course, that I'm not gonna mention them. No, that would be far too easy. I'm going to do something that's literally impossible to do in Florida: dig deeper.