Right about now you’re probably thinking “Fine, I'll just lay on the sand and not do anything fun at all. That's safe, right?”
Yeah, no dice.
Lying on the beach basically turns you into a buffet for sand fleas, tiny crustacean vampires that want nothing more than to drink your blood. Sitting on a towel won't protect you, as these suckers (!) can jump; your best course of action is to shower immediately after you leave the beach. You should do that anyway, dirtbag.
Gianni Jaccoma is an editorial assistant for Thrillist Travel. He scraped his knee on some coral once, and definitely did NOT scream like a little girl. Follow him to safer shores on Twitter @gjaccoma.