A suite with a slide and your own personal genie
The coup de grace of this 1,188-foot human pinball machine is the Ultimate Family Suite. Though it stops just short of having a train running through the living room, it reps some serious Silver Spoons shit. Imagine Ricky Stratton speeding down a two-story slide from his private, oceanfront bedroom, past a floor-to-ceiling Lego wall, into a brightly colored common area. That’s what Royal Caribbean is offering here.
Also included is a 3-D-style TV room with its own popcorn machine, and every video game system you never got for Christmas. The two-bedroom, two-story, 1,346-square-foot suite boasts a 212 square-foot wraparound balcony with a bumper pool table, a climbing wall, and a whirlpool. And it comes with something called a Royal Genie, who probably won’t crack frenetic, improvised jokes that are way funnier to the parents than the kids. But will at least make sure you have whatever you need whenever you need it.
Vicki Freed, Royal Caribbean’s Senior VP of Sales, summed it up on the conference call announcing the new ship: “You know, Michael,” -- that would be CEO Michael Bayley -- “the biggest problem we’ll have with this ship is families who don’t want to leave!” Reporters rolled their eyes, I’m sure, but, yeah, your kids will probably slump into catatonic stupors when they have to leave this fever dream and return to their regular lives. You may, too.