- A boutique hotel room in downtown San Francisco, conveniently located next to everything but the actual game.
- Upper-level end zone tickets, or the most excited you’ll ever be about nosebleed seats.
- VIP access to the 2016 Maxim Party and the Leather & Laces Event. But let's not kid yourself, you still have a better chance of scoring in the actual Super Bowl than you do with any of the models.
- Obviously, a round-trip private jet flight between New York or Los Angeles and San Jose. So feel free to fill your carry on with as many 5oz bottles of liquids and gels as you like!
- Car transportation from the airport to the hotel. Depending on traffic, this may take longer than your flight from New York.
- Round-trip transportation to/from your hotel on game day. This will definitely take longer than your flight from New York.
- For NYC passengers, free helicopter transfers between the city and the airport. Because what better way to remind yourself that you just spent the cost of a new Kia on one weekend than flying over Manhattan in a chopper.
Now, here's how the whole thing breaks down price-wise:
Member - New York-San Jose: $19,908
Member - Los Angeles-San Jose: $11,980
Nonmember - New York-San Jose: $30,998
Nonmember - Los Angeles-San Jose: $19,989
Sure, it's pricey, but it'll still run you less than booking a private jet to your bachelor party. And really, much like Russell Wilson or Andy Dalton, what else you got going on the first weekend of February?
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Matt Meltzer is a Thrillist staff writer who was mistaken for four different pro football players during the 2007 Super Bowl weekend -- he regrets not making more of the opportunity. See if anyone makes the same mistake this year by following him on Instagram @meltrez1.