So far, only a month into 2015, we've learned an old lady's been playing shuffleboard on a cruise ship for sevenyears, commercial jets can fly with just two passengers, and hippos are waaay faster than anyone expected...
Before you go shuffleboarding with a hippo (not recommended), here's the craziest stuff that happened in the world of travel this month.
Get This Puerto Rican Villa With Private Beach All to Yourself
After flying with Argentina Airlines, one douchebag posted on the carrier's Facebook page to complain about the female cabin crew. “Before they were tall and nice, now they only take short, fat girls,” the charmer wrote. The airline responded in the best possible way, listing its hiring requirements for crew and a reminder that prejudices don’t fly on their planes.
A man on a Royal Caribbean cruise was thrown overboard by a huge wave, leaving him treading water off the coast of Mexico. Fortunately, the cruise-goer was spotted by people on a Disney Magic cruise ship, which came to his rescue. Just like when Ariel saved Eric in The Little Mermaid.
Tourists on a safari in Botswana got up close and personal with a hungry hungry hippo, when the ginormous creature started chasing their boat on the Chobe River. The hippo even lunged after them, but thankfully the driver was quick to step on the gas. Yeesh.
In keeping with crazy Australian stereotypes, some dudes in South Australia caught a massive shark, then wrestled it on the shore to take its measurements. Oddly, the big fish didn't attempt an attack before it was set free. Presumably, the shark didn't realize sharks don't even crack the top five on the list of "Things that will kill you in Australia."
They rebooked everyone but me on another flight to LGA, so I am literally the only person on this plane. pic.twitter.com/ZZNPACUOfR
One lucky Delta passenger nearly had an entire plane to himself after a mix-up at the airport. After his New York-bound flight from Cleveland was delayed, Chris O’Leary found out everyone else had been been re-booked an earlier flight. As a result, he boarded a totally empty plane, before it turned back for a second passenger. They should have sat next to each other, just for S&Gs.
The sky in Bogotá, Colombia was all kinds of colors earlier this month when a blast at a fireworks factory sent sparks shooting in every direction. The commotion knocked a cameraman filming the explosion off his feet, and injured two bystanders.
After his ex-fiancee dumped him, John Whitbread went on his own Jordan Axani-inspired quest, auctioning off her ticket to the Dominican Republic on eBay. The offer has since sold for $12,115 (or 8,000 British pounds), with around $10,500 going to testicular cancer research. Because it'd be a kick in the balls if he couldn't make his money back.
OK, so 86-year-old Lee Wachtstetter (or Mama Lee, as she’s fondly known) has been living on a cruise ship for SEVEN years already, but the world just found out this month. That’s at least seven years’ worth of buffet food and ballroom dancing. Go, Mama Lee!
This month, Austrian budget airline FlyNiki (which you’ve totally heard of before) announced it would begin flying between Vienna, Austria and Bratislava, Slovakia, offering hardly anyone a 10-minute flight that covers just about 50 miles. Talk about superfluous -- it takes less than an hour to drive between the two cities! Madness.
It may sound too good to be true, but no, this isn't an early April Fool's joke. Jetsmarter (the Uber of private jets) is offering $4 rides on empty leg flights to non-members on Feb. 14 for a Valentine's Day promo. Sign up here, and get 400% closer to joining the Mile High Club.
To arouse interest in the Chinese island, developers in Taiwan are planning to open a sex theme park along the south coast. "Romantic Boulevard," which somehow isn't the name of a porno from the '80s, will boast phallic sculptures and structures like heart-shaped arches and a glass castle. Those aren't euphemisms for anything, BTW.
Chloe Pantazi is an editorial assistant on Thrillist's travel team. Yes, that's a British accent. No, she doesn't watch Doctor Who. Follow her on Twitter at @ChloePantazi.