The 13 worst people at every hotel pool
You will travel. You will stay at a hotel. You will swim in its pool. And when you do? These people will be there... Every last shuddering one of them
13. Flashy Lap SwimmerBecause the tri-suit, wet cap, and tinted goggles aren't enough, this dude's dropping the butterfly like it's going out of style
12. Non-Flashy Lap SwimmerDistinguishable by his cargo swim trunks, drug store goggles, and inability to take three strokes without sounding like he's drowning, this guy realized the hotel had a pool and thought, "What the hell? Might as well take-up lap swimming!"
11. T-Shirt on in the Pool PersonYeah, that totally makes you look skinny... Especially when it's soaking wet
10. Gratuitous Speedo GuyThis isn't Europe, buddy.
9. Pool AcrobatRepurposing the lap lane dividers as tightropes since 1982
8. Cannonball CrazyThat "No Diving" sign is not, in fact, a license for you to drain the pool by plunging your hulking, balled-up mass into it instead
7. Horseplaying CouplesIt's hard to believe they could stop drinking their Mike's Hard Lemonades long enough to publicly rough-house
6. Personal Stereo PersonProving that the only thing worse than pre-packaged hotel calypso music is whatever '80s hair metal this dude's blaring from that impossibly-tiny speaker
5. Fully-Clothed BystanderAnd you're sitting in that lounge chair, wearing loafers, why
4. Packed for a Day at the Beach FamilyYour room is approximately 50 steps away, yet you... WAIT. Is that a freaking cooler? And a pop-up tent? You brought your own card table from home?
3. Unattended KidsThe equivalent of "That kid is back on the escalator again!", only at a swimming pool. Sure, you may think your child's well-behaved, and that the lifeguard will keep him breathing, but he's actually a splash-happy brat when you're off enjoying couple-alone-in-a-hotel-room time. We all know what you're doing in there, and it ain't "parenting".
2. Inflatable Raft GuyBecause in this already-crowded pool, what everyone wants is for your 6ft 2in length extended to take up as much surface area as possible
1. Towels on Chairs at 6a LadyCongratulations: your obsessiveness has netted you the six best seats at the pool for the fourth day running. I hope you're enjoying your all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet while the rest of us stare at your place-holders, loathing your entire family in absentia