You will travel. You will stay at a hotel. You will swim in its pool. And when you do? These people will be there... Every last shuddering one of them
13. Flashy Lap Swimmer Because the tri-suit, wet cap, and tinted goggles aren't enough, this dude's dropping the butterfly like it's going out of style
12. Non-Flashy Lap Swimmer Distinguishable by his cargo swim trunks, drug store goggles, and inability to take three strokes without sounding like he's drowning, this guy realized the hotel had a pool and thought, "What the hell? Might as well take-up lap swimming!"
11. T-Shirt on in the Pool Person Yeah, that totally makes you look skinny... Especially when it's soaking wet
10. Gratuitous Speedo Guy This isn't Europe, buddy.
9. Pool Acrobat Repurposing the lap lane dividers as tightropes since 1982
8. Cannonball Crazy That "No Diving" sign is not, in fact, a license for you to drain the pool by plunging your hulking, balled-up mass into it instead
7. Horseplaying Couples It's hard to believe they could stop drinking their Mike's Hard Lemonades long enough to publicly rough-house
6. Personal Stereo Person Proving that the only thing worse than pre-packaged hotel calypso music is whatever '80s hair metal this dude's blaring from that impossibly-tiny speaker
5. Fully-Clothed Bystander And you're sitting in that lounge chair, wearing loafers, why
4. Packed for a Day at the Beach Family Your room is approximately 50 steps away, yet you... WAIT. Is that a freaking cooler? And a pop-up tent? You brought your own card table from home?
3. Unattended Kids The equivalent of "That kid is back on the escalator again!", only at a swimming pool. Sure, you may think your child's well-behaved, and that the lifeguard will keep him breathing, but he's actually a splash-happy brat when you're off enjoying couple-alone-in-a-hotel-room time. We all know what you're doing in there, and it ain't "parenting".
2. Inflatable Raft Guy Because in this already-crowded pool, what everyone wants is for your 6ft 2in length extended to take up as much surface area as possible
1. Towels on Chairs at 6a Lady Congratulations: your obsessiveness has netted you the six best seats at the pool for the fourth day running. I hope you're enjoying your all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet while the rest of us stare at your place-holders, loathing your entire family in absentia