Beach livin', by chopper

Many folks dream of living in an idyllic waterfront community, though The Beach reminds us that you could be eaten by a shark, shot by drug farmers, or worst of all... sex Tilda Swinton. Thankfully, there's little chance she'll be on the isolated stretch of Australian coastline where you'll find Berkeley River Resort, as it's only accessible by seaplane or helicopter, plus, they promise you can "enjoy as little or as much activity as you like", so no matter what Tilda says, if you don't want to sex her, you don't have to. Your time can be spent:

  • Taking a heli-tour of nearby Georges River's wildlife
  • Going heli-fishing with a guide for big barramundi
  • Being heli-shuttled to a lofty peak at daybreak so you can watch the sunrise as you sink a gratis bottle of bubbly
  • Scoping 40K yr-old rock paintings, thankfully not from the helicopter
  • Taking a half-day trek to majestic Mitchell Falls, where other explorers/tourists will "definitely be in awe of your transportation", which, if you can't tell, is kind of a big deal
As for the digs, 20 standalone, dune-top suites boast huge windows and balconies overlooking insane beach views, your bathroom & shower are open-air, and fresh, seasonal meals are served at an opulent lodge opening onto an uber-modern hot tub & pool, though as The Pool reminds us, foreign movies are harder to understand than a man's reasons for sexing Tilda Swinton.