Got a birthday coming up? Then take whatever screen you're reading on, circle this article in a felt pen, and leave it out for your significant other to find. Don't worry, they'll get the hint, because everybody wants the NY Flatiron Hotel's $8,000 birthday pimping package. You'll start off with a personalized cocktail created for you by their in-house mixologist, plus a bottle of "premium French Champagne", after which you will turn into the world's most expensive oui oui. Then there's the original birthday song, played by the in-house band alongside an original dance piece choreographed w/ a corps of "beautiful professional Broadway dancers (gender optional)". Man, those dancers will sure go a long way to please you. You'll also nab a private sushi chef to deliver bespoke tableside rawness. Oh, AND 10lbs of fresh king crab, flown in live from Alaska (straight-to-Pan-Am?). Of course you'll be chilling in the penthouse suite, and everyone in the group'll get a full-body massage. Want to go out? You'll be chauffeured anywhere in the city in either a classic ‘65 Cadillac Deville convertible or ‘66 Ford Galaxie (NOTE: your chauffeur will not be a weird, fox tail thing). And to top it all off, they're also throwing in tickets to either a Giants or Jets game, the latter preferable if dropping eight grand leaves you want to see someone else who's even deeper in the hole.