8) You're fat -- for a reason, it turns out
Waitress delivers what can only be an amuse-bouche. “Ma’am, I ordered an entrée”. “This is an entrée -- don't you realize 'entrée' literally translates to 'appetizer' everywhere apart from North America?” "Umm, yes, I just meant I wanted THREE entrées".
9) You think free water is a god-given right
€4 for water? You mean the stuff that covers 70% of the Earth? But this water has bubbles in it... and it's weird. Sigh.
10) You want ice in everything
"Waitress, sorry to bother you again, but there's no ice in my (sparkling) water". What sort of heathens drink water -- and SOFT DRINKS no less -- without ice?