So, the United Nations Sustainable Development Solutions Network (SDSN to you) has released the findings of an exhaustive survey of global contentedness called the "World Happiness Report". The numerical ranking of a nation's joy is apparently pretty iron clad, and while we'll refrain from kicking cellar dwellars like Senegal while they're down, we do feel like maybe we owe it to the top 20 to take their happy asses down a peg; which's why we've given you the perfect thing to say to put their mouths frown-side-down when you travel.
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20: Venezuela Cesar Chavez was better.
19: Luxembourg Man, this place is tiny.
18: Ireland I just ate a potato and I'm suddenly not feeling too hot.
17: United States You guys noticed Canada beat you by 11 spots on this list, right?
16: Mexico Good luck at Brazil 2014!
15: Panama Those hats look dumb, you know.
14: United Arab Emirates I just flew in from Israel.
13: New Zealand Hey! Cool Australian accent, mate!
12: Costa Rica Surfing sucks.
11: Israel So, how 'bout that Gaza Strip?
10: Australia Nobody understands Australian rules football, and Russel Crowe is a sociopath.
No. 9: Iceland I think Bjork is lame.
8: Austria Sigmund, who?
7: Finland Tukka Rask is pretty much the reason the Bruins lost Game 7.
6: Canada Wait, your currency is called the "Loonie"?
5: Sweden Volvos are unreliable and utilitarian.
4: The Netherlands Can I interest you in some tulip futures?
3: Switzerland Thanks alot for all the help in WWII... Pansies.