Going on vacation means you’re supposed to be happy, carefree, and a much nicer version of your usual self. But if that's true, then why do so many travelers morph into first class a-holes the minute they walk into the hotel lobby?
For some reason, people seem to forget all sense of good manners and basic ethics when they're not staying in their own homes. And it's usually the hard-working hotel staff that has to bear the brunt of it, smiling away lest we write something critical about the scent of the shampoo in a scathing online review.
In an effort to help make their jobs easier (and make less raging jackasses of ourselves), we asked hotel employees exactly what guests do -- either deliberately or because they're just clueless -- to really get under their skin. Here are 16 things they wish we would stop doing.
1. Assuming staff does every job in the hotel
This cocktail shaker in my hand must clearly mean I know exactly why your room key doesn’t work. Although once you get that squared away, you should go ask the valet for a drink -- he makes a delicious daiquiri.
2. Making ridiculous concierge requests
Yes, we’re aware it’s your six-month dating anniversary. Congratulations. You're very lucky. No, that doesn’t mean we can set up a secluded beachside picnic with a private serenade by John Mayer. Although he sends his best, as well. You seem very much in love.
3. Over-exaggerating a problem
If the remote control batteries being dead is the most unacceptable thing that’s ever happened to you, your life has probably been a little too easy. Also, here are some fresh ones. Enjoy Wheel of Fortune.
4. Threatening to give a bad Yelp review
You mean that site that writes bad reviews on our page when we don’t advertise with them? ANYTHING but that!
5. Leaving your garbage out in the hallway
Room service trays are fine. 48 crushed beer cans, three pizza boxes, an empty mouthwash bottle, and what we’re really hoping isn’t a used condom? Not cool.
6. Stockpiling room keys because you forget yours every time you leave
We can only assume that you’re the world’s cheapest vacation souvenir shopper and are giving everyone back in Bradenton real-life Big City Hotel Room keys.
7. Complaining about why breakfast and Internet aren’t included in the rate
Why does the Super 8 offer free WiFi and waffles but a $300-a-night “luxury” property doesn’t? As Kramer once quipped on Seinfeld, "Why does Radio Shack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries?" Who knows? Life is full of mysteries. You’re not asking the concierge about the origins of the universe, are you?
8. Asking for room-service items that aren’t on the menu, after room-service hours.
Unless your room included a menu that read: “24-hour Personal Chef Service.” In which case, our bad.
9. Denying that you ordered “Adult Features”
Come on, we tried to let you save face by not listing “Sorority Initiations 7” on your itemized bill. It’s not our fault your wife noticed you "accidentally clicked" on a movie that cost $14.95.
10. Knowing exactly what type of room you booked but insisting it was a better one
When you reserved that $89 “Standard, Rear View” option at a waterfront hotel, common sense should've told you that it boasted stunning views of the parking lot.
11. Getting belligerent that your room isn’t ready when you arrive at 10am, but check-in’s at 4pm
And if you insist on checking out the next day at 4pm, don’t go all Russell Crowe when you’re charged for another night.
12. Asking for a discount because it rained
This actually happens. People are horrible.
13. Talking on your phone throughout check-in
This is going to get doubly as infuriating when you come back and accuse me of not explaining to you where to park and what time room service ends.
Do you really expect us to believe that we only left you with two bottles of Baileys and a bag of fruit snacks?
15. Putting 10 people in a four-person room
This might've been fine at the Sunshine Motel in PC Beach for Spring Break ’05, but you’re all grown ups now. And the amount of noise and filth you’re bringing in costs us way more than the $25 cot fee you’re so offended to pay.
16. Cursing me out in another language
Bet you didn’t know I took four years of Portuguese in college, did you otário?
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