Travel

9 insane theme parks filled with dwarves, sex statues, and Stalin

So there's a Jackie Chan theme park under development in Beijing. Crazy, right? No. Things are much, much worse out there. You thought Disneyland’s giant rodents, never-ending loop of “It’s a Small World”, and psychedelic villages were trippy? They're totally sane compared to these nine worldwide parks of (generally) unintentional terror:

Jeju Love Land, or The Island of Sex Ed
Jeju, South Korea
What's so damn crazy about it: With over 140 statues of salacious sex acts (humans, animals, humans with animals, peens galore, nipple mountains, etc.), and erotic exhibitions like the, er, hands-on "masturbation cycle", this just may be the world’s kinkiest park. Not convinced? The park’s mascots are Bulkkeuni, a mitten-clad penis, and Saekkeuni, a vagina posing in a floppy hat and bow.

Parque EcoAlberto, or Illegal Immigration 101
El Alberto, Mexico
What’s so damn crazy about it: This beautiful nature park, bursting with flora and fauna, also features a recreated Mexico-US border that allows visitors to experience "the dangers of an illegal border crossing" on a four-hour, immersive, coyote-led night hike. Minus the actual illegal crossing of a border, that is. So it's fun!!

Grutas Park, or Stalin World
Druskininkai, Lithuania
What's so damn crazy about it: A walk in this lovely forest will bring you face-to-face with Lenin and Stalin, in aptly named areas like the Totalitarian Sphere and the Terror Sphere. This “Soviet Playground” features Socialist sculptures and remnants from Lithuania’s not-so-distant SSR -- and aims to recreate the feel of a Soviet prison camp with barbed wire fences and guard towers. A gulag train's where the park finally drew the line.

Hacienda Napoles, or the defilement of a cocaine king’s former crib
Puerto Triunfo, Antioquia, Colombia
What’s so damn crazy about it: This massive luxury estate is the for-real former home of drug lord lord Pablo Escobar. The main attraction is theplane that smuggled his first load of cocaine into the US, but there’s also a zoo, water park, and dinosaur park featuring massive plastic dinos among the total cluster-f of random attractions. Safe to say Pablo is turning in his early, coke-y grave.

Shijingshan Amusement Park, or Bootleg Disneyland
Beijing, China
What's so damn crazy about it: If Shijingshan feels like an LSD-laced trip to Disney, it’s because it’s one giant copyright infringement -- Disney took action, and the Chinese government said "Riggghht ... we'll get on that" four years ago, but they're very busy, you know. Every building (from Snow White’s castle to the Epcot globe), every ride (like the Dumbo Elephant ride and Space Mountain Adventure), as well as every character (their Minnie Mouse is a cat with big ears) kinda looks like those in Anaheim and Orlando. Only made in China.

Holy Land Experience, or where Jesus has some pipes on him
Orlando, Florida
What’s so damn crazy about it: This park recreates first century Jerusalem in the hopes “you will see God and His Word exalted”. It gets really weird when a blood-smeared Jesus starts singing into his modern-day mic, recreating the Passion of Christ, the Last Supper, and the Virgin Birth, musical-style.

Dwarf Empire, or a controversial, contemporary freakshow full of dwarves
Kunming, China
What’s so damn crazy about it: We don’t know what’s weirder -- the fact that no one (from janitors to performers) employed here can be more than 51 inches tall, or that Dwarf Empire's connected to the "World Ecological Garden of Butterfly". Either way, it’s the full-time home of around 100 little people that exit their mushroom houses, don pink tutus, and perform sport/ song/ dance mashups and slapstick versions of classics like Swan Lake, twice a day.