In the wake of the gigantic Ashley Madison data leak that went down this week, we scoured the ensuing flood of member profiles to get a look at what the infidelity site's male users had to say about their wives -- specifically their statements justifying their extramarital explorations. The results were equal parts awkward, predictable, and hilarious.
But what about the inverse? In an effort to keep things fair and balanced, we dove back into the hoard of member profiles and pulled the greatest "My husband ___" statements we could find, adding in a couple "My boyfriend ___" ones for good measure. Some were vindictive, most were polyamorous, and one was oddly weight-based... and not in the way you'd think.
Here are the nine best (unedited) excuses female Ashley Madison members came up with for their digital dalliances: