What do you do?
To be fair, not everyone finds it entertaining. Some people are genuinely concerned about winding up with that freaky girl from The Grudge living in their walls. If you’re not sure saging is enough, you might turn to someone who counts themselves an expert in the field. Someone like the Minnesota-based psychic Ruth Lordan, who believes having a house with spirits in it is damn near unavoidable.
“Here’s something I explain to everybody,” she says. “If you leave out chocolate cake, you’re going to get ants. If you spray Raid, they’re going to go away. But what happens when you leave more chocolate cake out? You’re going to get more ants.”
It takes a while to get there, but spirits are the ants of her analogy.
“Spirits are everywhere,” she says. “Whether they’re from Native American and the original inhabitants of the land, whether they died in that house, those spirits are there. It’s true.”
And those spirits love the negative energy you produce. That’s the chocolate cake.
“This bad energy is going out and entities feed on it,” Lordan continues. “These are hungry ghosts. These are spirits. They’re attached to this Earth. If you put out more [bad] energy, they’re going to come feed. So, you have got to be checking yourself. Are you stressful? Are you fighting? Are you being strange?”
To hear Lordan explain it, it seems impossible not to put out bad energy. Couples fight. You have bad days at work. You move into a new house and -- surprise! -- you need to take care of $2,000 in unexpected plumbing repairs.
So, your house is lousy with ghosts. What next? You could start by chasing them with metaphysical Raid.
“When you get a house like this, you can sage it," says Lordan. "You can use Saint John’s Wort to clean it. You can place holy oils. In New Orleans, you definitely repaint the walls, the floors, and the ceiling. It changes the energy.”
She also recommends having a priest of one ilk or another bless the house.
But don’t get too excited. Those spirits are coming back. That must mean the next stage is something crazy, right? An exorcism. A cleansing fire, maybe. “There’s a point where you have to tell them, ‘You have to leave,'” Lordan says.
That’s actually more complicated than it seems on the surface. You could stand in your living room and shout “Go away!” three times like it’s a reverse Beetlejuice incantation. But Lordan says you need an expert.
“You have to create a portal and help them move," she says. "Then you have to not give them a reason to come back.” There, again, she’s talking about putting out bad energy in your home, which, again, seems impossible.
Believing in your haunted house sounds like a lot of work. It sounds like a futile enterprise, in fact. To recap: Every house is haunted, and unless you never feel bad, there’s pretty much nothing you can do about it.
Maybe Rizzo and Trioni have it right. They don’t seem too concerned about purging their house.
“We may do ghost tours in the basement. We’ve been approached,” Rizzo says. “There are some ghost tour companies around. Basically, they drive people around in a hearse. It’s kinda creepy.”