16 Things You Have to Explain to People Who've Never Worked at a Ski Resort
Working at a ski resort is like one big party, right? Even if you’re not at one of America’s best party mountains, you still work on the slopes all day, rage all night, and spend your free time partaking in other awesome winter sports. What could be better?
Well, kinda like dating a stripper or living in Florida, it sounds like more fun than it actually is. And there’s a lot more to working at a ski resort than running the lifts, serving hot dogs, and hitting on snow bunnies.
Which is why we asked some of the good people who make your ski vacations so damn fun what exactly they always have to explain to folks about their jobs/lives on the mountain. Here's what they said.
Most of the people working here have at least a bachelor's degree
No, we're not "taking a year off from school." Not everyone with a legitimate career has to spend the day indoors with a stunning view of a computer monitor.
Yes, it still has to be cold to make “fake” snow
The pine trees and thin air should have been the dead giveaway this wasn’t a shopping mall in Dubai.
No bro, we don't have any "trees" or "green" on us
And the only "powder" I have is what's caked on your non-waterproof denim.
Yes, the "LOT FULL" sign is there for a reason
But by all means please try to park your Subaru wagon up on that snow bank. Rescue towing is a vital part of the local economy.
The groomers will mess you up
If the Chinese ever needed to squash a student rebellion in, say, Tibet (or maybe Hong Kong), these are the machines they’d use. You know, if they didn't want to roll out the tanks.
Christmas and New Years aren’t holidays
But we still party the night before. Please be mindful of this when bringing your screaming kids to get fitted for bindings on January 1st.
We don’t take lunch breaks
We take ride breaks. That’s why God invented Cliff Bars.
We are painfully used to the cold
Kinda like how people in Florida walk around wearing Uggs when it dips below 60, any day over 50 degrees for us is pretty much flip-flop weather.
You start to feel guilty if it’s snowing, and you’re not at work
Maybe not guilty. Maybe more FOMO, like you should be out on a really good run break right now.
Hooking up in the gondola isn’t sexy
It’s gross. The gondola is like our mountain’s version of the subway. And this ain’t Risky Business. And you ain’t Tom Cruise.
As soon as the first snow of the season hits, we have 1,000 new best friends
It’s amazing how the words "Yea, I get discounted lift tickets” reminds people of those great times we had crafting popsicle sticks back in second grade.
Locals must be born and raised
They're not people couch-surfing another transplant’s ski rental.
We don't care how much you dropped on your high-end ski/snowboard set up
Or rather, we care about as much as the parking lot guys did when you responded to their “Lot Full” warning by dropping the price of your watch.
And no matter how much you spent, we still know you suck
A beginner in rentals is, well, a beginner. A beginner on three grand worth of gear is a day’s entertainment.
Ski boots immediately turn adults into four-year olds
Since you've apparently forgotten how to walk, and the concepts of “left” and “right” might as well be calculus, we’ll go ahead and have a corn dog and tater tots waiting for you in the lodge.
Yes, we are making fun of you
And in case you were wondering: SPORE equals "Stupid people on rental equipment." TFK is a "Tired Fat Kid." If you have to figure out “touron” or “citiot,” well, that term definitely applies to you.
You start to hate the idea of spring
Because once that snow melts, the party is over.