Let's face it, if you're going to be crawling, then a single stretch of road is a preferable place to do it -- that's why we've constructed this one-street, straight-line crawl rolling all the way down the two mile-long bar magnet that is Magazine St., and running the full NOLA gamut from dives to cocktail spots to cantinas.
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Stop One: Start off at Juan’s Flying Burrito. Why? Two reasons: First, for their famed margarita, (because everyone knows you should always begin the evening with tequila and never end it). Second: Fuel, ironically, the kind that will keep you from flying anywhere. Drink: Margarita on the rocks.
Stop Two: Now, The Half Moon. No, not a prankster who lacks commitment, THM is actually one of NOLA's finest pubs, and has a solid menu (if you favor a burger over a burrito), and an awesome open courtyard. Drink: Abita Amber on draught.
Stop Three: Moving a mercifully short distance west, hit The Saint Bar and Lounge. Two words: Metal bar. Now two more words: Free karaoke. We now see how these two things intersect, and for the record, we will also see weird movie posters, a kick-ass jukebox, Tiki drinks, and very cheap hooch. Drink: Lots of LA-31 Pale Ale.
Stop Four: Things are getting serious. We now head several blocks west to rendezvous at, er, The Rendezvous Tavern. It's a classic New Orleans dive, and you can’t go wrong with a game of pool, a highball, and its crazily diverse clientele. Drink: Jack and Ginger.
Stop Five: Heading a few blocks down, and half a block up, we come to The Balcony Bar Cafe. It's got a vertigo-inducing, and pretty huge, rooftop hangout. Drink: Cuba Libre, carefully.
Stop Six: A little further west we find The Bulldog, boasting 161 beers, incl. over 50 draughts, and strangely no growlers. Hang out in the courtyard with some friendly dogs (seriously, it's full of them) and watch some sports on the outdoor flatscreen. Drink: Chafunkta Voo Ka Ray IPA.
Stop Seven: The journey west continues with The Bouligny Tavern, and the time has come to class it up with a cocktail. The 'tenders will mix everything from a mean Manhattan to a rad Rob Roy. Also, cougar alert! Drink: Sazerac, obviously.
Stop Eight: Finally, we reach the end of the road, and hit the 24hr drinkery that is The Club Ms. Mae’s, wherein you will find $2 shots, an air hockey table, and a Wall of Shame that you'll end up on if you go to it at the end of a bar crawl aren't careful. Drink: Like, anything.