Because whoever said "only the strong survive" clearly never tried to build a lean-to out of the fickle fingers, take a trip out to the Earth Connection School of Wilderness Survival, where they've just designed a new crash course on forest livin', to be led by an experienced woodsman and one of the top contributors to Outdoor Life's blog, which is probably full of tabloid pics of famous animals that have gotten totally fat. Get psyched for:
Primitive Survival Class Learn how to hack it in the woods with "only the clothes on your back" as you're taught the basics of leaf-hut shelter construction, friction fire-starting via a "bow" and "drill", and basic trapping techniques, and are given "an introduction to primitive tool making", presumably provided by Ronnie's parents.
Modern Survival Class For the less traditional person-desperately-stranded-in-the-woods, this one covers everything from what to put in a survival kit, to modern water purification, to fire-starting with flint, a magnifying lens, or batteries -- though if you've got AAA, why wouldn't you have just called them days ago?
Primitive Challenge To test your newly acquired skills, the instructors'll drop you off with only clothes and a knife, and you'll be forced to spend the next 24hrs foraging for your own wild edibles, trapping small game, and dealing with first-aid scenarios using only "wilderness medicine", all making for a super-burly challenge recommended only for those with enormous Atlas stones.