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Equmen

Advanced science affects nearly every aspect of daily life, be it the anti-slip technology on your tires, or the anti-slip and slide technology in your Snuggie. Thanks...makers of the Snuggie. Using way too much science to hold you in place: Equmen, just arrived in DC.Designed in consult with a physical therapist, this Aussie-made line of men's under-things employs Robot Jox-level sportswear engineering to suck in flab, align bones, relieve back pain, and regulate body temp, thereby putting your trainer, orthopedist, masseuse, and space heater out of business. Most recently developed is the "precision underwear", which includes briefs, trunks, and long trunks, all fitted with a ventilated "precision-fit pouch" and selective tightness around the butt/thighs for quad and "gluteal fold" compression, which ostensibly improves gait in both everyday getting-around and sports -- or both at once, if you're a pro speedwalker/very bad soccer player. For the torso, there are "Core Precision Undershirts" (long sleeve, v-neck, and singlet) endowed with "Helix Mapping Technology", which varies the inlaid fabric patterns/density in different areas of the shirt, e.g., ribbing along the shoulders to pull back and improve posture, and breathable, targeted mesh along the lower back, which wicks away sweat, and causes other undershirts to call your new purchase a "tramp".So that you don't assume that these astounding advances were created by cold, merciless robots, the designers themselves are coming to town on Feb 20th; too bad that anti-slip-and-slide technology's so effective, your daily life now consists of never leaving the couch.