Chivalry Skin Care

I just moved to the country. Well, not the country exactly, but my new apartment is so far out on the outskirts of town that the semi-retired 1980s gang members who hang out in the public garden across the street keep a rooster as a pet. The rooster sounds like he used to smoke too much and had to get a tracheotomy, but probably still smokes anyway. He looks like this

So I don't live in the country, but it is the outskirts, which means a 30-minute walk to work. For your groin, 30 minutes is a long time. Long enough to start smelling like you actually live in a public garden with a Kools-addicted rooster in it. Luckily for everyone who comes within 10ft of me, I also just got sent a bar of Chivalry, which claims to be the first soap specifically designed "for your nasty parts". Created by two dudes -- one works the business end of Broadway shows, the other's in tax accounting/real estate planning -- the soap's key ingredient is walnut shells.

Since rubbing nut shells on your... sounds like a terrible idea, I first consulted an expert (i.e., a girl). Unfortunately I asked her about the wrong nut:

However, further research revealed that while almond shell is indeed hot right now, so is walnut shell, for essentially the same reason -- it's allegedly a gentle natural exfoliant. This still begged the question, "Why am I scrubbing down there with something that requires pliers to crack?", but Chivalry also contains aloe, plus coconut, palm, and safflower oils. That seemed like a pretty good ratio of moisturizer to sandpaper. Time for the ultimate test.

Despite being exfoliating, the soap didn't feel grainy, like something mechanics and guys who think they work as hard as mechanics use to clean their hands. It also doesn't pack in so much moisturizer that you feel like you're doing something that will inevitably lead to something else. And it's translucent, so you can actually see your business as you're cleaning your business, which is neat. From an economics standpoint, the targeted usage means one bar should last a while, unless you consistently forget what you bought it for and oh my god you just used it on your face

All in all, it's pretty good stuff, but maybe keep another bar of soap around just in case