15 Things You Didn't Know Beer Could Do
Ahh, beer. Is there any finer liquid in existence?
Whether you're into IPAs, light beer, or the almighty forty, an ice-cold beer in the afternoon is the greatest part of summer, or winter, or fall...really any season, to be honest.
For those of us who think the fun stops at the sipping part, you'll be shocked to learn there's a lot more to this lovely drink than just wetting your whistle and alleviating social tension. That's right: there's a multitude of things you can do with beer besides drinking it—some of which are so wild that even hearing about them will make your brain melt—which, sadly, beer cannot fix.
1. Clean your feet
Yeah, seriously. A tub filled with white vinegar and three bottles of dark beer makes for a healthy foot bath. The bacteria in the yeast and the acidity of the hops add nutrients to the skin and repairs hair follicles. Just make sure you use a beer you're not interested in drinking—AS IF SUCH A BEER EVEN EXISTS.
2. Help you pass a kidney stone
Since beer is a diuretic, drinking a good amount of brew will help flush out your unwanted kidney stone. On top of that, the alcohol dilates the tubes connecting the kidneys and bladder, which helps you pass the stone easier.
3. Make fluffy waffles
A common trick for increasing the fluffiness of waffles and pancakes is adding club soda—however, a little bit of beer will cause the same effect and add flavor. There are some killer recipes out there, especially this one for Belgian Waffles.
4. Polish furniture and gold jewelry
Just to clear up any prior confusion, we’re talking about the act of polishing furniture, not furniture from Poland. However, cleaning Polish furniture with beer polish would just as well work. In one of the easiest wikiHow hacks in history, you can easily bring that dingy oak table to a glorious shine by rubbing it with stale beer.
And if you have gold that has lost its shine, applying the same method will polish it, thanks to the beer's acidity.
5. Tenderize meat
Everybody knows about the incredible combination of bacon and beer tastes, but pouring a can of beer over a tough cut of meat and letting it sit for an hour will soften that sucker right up. Better yet, let that beer-soaked meat sit overnight for a lovely marinade. Steakweiser? Steakweiser.
6. Feed your lawn and get rid of brown spots
Professional gardener Andrew Lopez recommends spraying either home brew or Rolling Rock on your lawn to keep it healthy: "The grass will absorb the sugar in the beer and draw energy from it.” Don’t give it too much, or your yard will try to text your younger sister. Hit those brown spots especially—beer works wonders.
7. Murder disgusting slugs in your yard
I know, right? Who has slug problems? Actually, apparently tons of people who aren’t living within the concrete jungle that is New York do! Believe it or not, this method of using beer is widely known: bury a cup half-filled with beer in the soil and wait for slugs to crowd the glass. Once they get a big whiff, they’ll fall in and drown. It’s pretty morbid, but it works. Pro-tip: do not drink the beer after the slugs die in it.
8. Loosen rusty screws
Doing a little home maintenance, but can’t seem to remove that stubborn rusty screw? Pour a little bit of beer on it and wait a few minutes for the carbonation and acid of the beer to cut through the rust. Afterwards, you can drink the beer to celebrate.
9. Fix your flat-ass hair
Dumping a can of beer on your head is a little sophomoric, but three tablespoons of beer in half a cup of warm water can work wonders. Dr. Ryan Welter, a hair restoration surgeon, explains "Because beer is rich in proteins and vitamins, through the natural barley and hops, it does contain nutrients for helping to develop healthy hair.”
10. Make a boozy facemask
All you need to make a beer facemask are these simple ingredients: one tablespoon of beer, one tablespoon of plain yogurt, one teaspoon olive oil, one egg white, and 1 teaspoon almond extract. The hops in beer can act as a natural astringent while the yeast balances your skin's pH levels.
11. Get your bearings with a beer-compass
Okay, you can apply this method is really any liquid, but let’s just say you’re stuck on a desert island with a pair of silk panties and a six-pack of Coors. Pour your beer into small bowl—oh yeah, there was a small bowl on your life raft—and let it go flat. Next, stroke the needle in one direction with the silk panties and float it in the beer; the panties will generate a charge of static electricity into the needle and BOOM: boozy compass.
12. Remove stubborn coffee stains
Fighting fire with fire may seem a bit counterintuitive, especially when it comes to spilling beer on coffee to remove the stain—but it works. Just remember, you’re going to want to use light beer, which is always a little less sad to see go to waste.
13. Put out a fire
You can use any number of liquids to extinguish flames...except for, um, gasoline and I guess oil—but beer can do the trick. Pop open a bottle of Rolling Rock and pour on your flames. Naturally if you have any left at the end, take a drink to reward yourself for preventing forest fires.
14. Cook rice
You could use water, but beer > water. The alcohol will cook away, while the beer adds a lovely flavor to your otherwise flavorless rice.
15. Make beer can chicken
We have to assume this recipe originated in Florida, because...beer and chicken, but this recipe involves seasoning the bejesus out of a chicken and grilling it with a beer can up its hoo-ha. The steam from the beer flavors the meat and keeps it moist, while the can props the chicken up.
Jeremy Glass is a staff writer for Supercompressor and would like to go just one day without seeing a beer can stuffed up the orifice of a chicken.
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