These Archer Quotes Will Send You Into The Danger Zone

Archer is back for another round of Bloody Mary-soaked RAAAAMPAGE—starting Thursday, January 8 at 10pm on FX. Just try to hide the sound of your giant, throbbing erection while reading these delicious quips from Sterling himself.

Not since Homer Simpson has a two-dimensional cartoon man been so quotable. Archer does to spies what James Bond did to...also spies—but with way more senseless murder, heavy drinking, and womanizing. Actually it may be around the same amount.

Whether he's teaching us how to poach a GOD DAMN! egg or trying to show Lana exactly where the danger zone is, Sterling Archer is full of insight, ever-lasting wisdom, and vodka. 

1. "Karate? The Dane Cook of martial arts?"


2. “For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.”

3. "Can I offer you a drink? How about this expensive prostitute?"

4. “I'm scared if I stop all at once, the cumulative hangover will literally kill me." 

5. "Because how hard is it to poach a god damn egg properly? Seriously, that's like eggs 101, Woodhouse."

6. "I mean, I didn't invent the turtleneck, Lana, but I was the first to recognize its potential as a tactical garment. The tactical turtleneck, Lana. The...tactleneck!"

7. "I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my giant throbbing erection." 

8. “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I skipped the Emily Post chapter on how to introduce your mother to a hooker.”

9. "You know what's dangerous? Your obsession with me. Seriously, Lana, call Kenny Loggins, 'cause you're in the danger zone."

10. “You killed a black astronaut, Cyril! That’s like killing a unicorn!”

11. "You want ants? 'Cause this is how we get ants."

12. "Well, excuse me, Lana. It's a rampage."

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Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor and his favorite running joke in Archer are his Seamus and Dicky tattoos.