Buy Your Girlfriend This Vibrator Necklace; Try To Keep A Straight Face

Stop buying your lady flowers. They smell bad, take up space, die after a week, and cause shockingly few orgasms. That's why we fully endorse the Vesper by Crave—a tiny vibrator that doubles as a luxury piece of jewelry that your honey can wear around her neck. Wearable sex toys? How's that for a slice of fried gold?!

We love sex toys over here at Supercompressor. They vibrate, gyrate, and can occasionally be clad in 24-karat gold. But if there's one thing we want more of, it's an aesthetically-pleasing design that can be worn in plain sight and, most importantly, the chance for us to utter the phrase: "Here, babe, I bought you a sex toy you can wear around your neck."

The skinny on the Vesper: It's 3.8 inches long, made of stainless steel, nickel-plated, waterproof, and can be charged via USB. It's small, powerful, quiet, but gets the job done. Like Danny DeVito. 

Don't be fooled by its bougie appearance or small size—this thing is a beast. We should preface that the Vesper is for external use only...we assume your girlfriend will know what that means. Vesper comes in three colors: silver, rose gold, and (gasp) 24-karat gold! 

Ti Chang, the lead designer and co-founder of Crave, explains the inspiration behind Vesper was "...the idea of bringing together function and fashion." Chang's aim was to make a product that was as beautiful as it was powerful, and it appears like she did the trick.

We'd happily try it out ourselves, but guys, some things just aren't possible when you're born with a lousy Y chromosome.

Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor and it looks like he just found the perfect present for his girlfriend.