Lifestyle

11 Super Heroes' Superpowers, Ranked by Every-Day Practicality

If you had a superpower, would you use it?

The obvious answer may be yes, but...think about it. If you had Spiderman's webs, would you really bungee from skyscraper to skyscraper every day? Probably not. That would be reckless and draw unwanted attention; you're just trying to get to Starbucks before work. And, say, would you want to shoot laser-beams out of your eyes like Cyclops? No way. You'd have to rock one of those eye-rings they made Levar Burton wear on Star Trek, and everybody'd laugh at you and not attend your parties. 

Below, 11 practical superpowers for your every-day, from your favorite super heroes, beginning with "um, nah, I'm good," finishing up with "um, yes, please."


 

11. Daredevil's Echolocation

Sure, Daredevil had really good hearing, but his red leather jumpsuit makes it pretty clear that it didn't fully make up for the fact that he was a blind as a bat with a blindfold on. He probably dodged the dagger in the above photo thanks to luck. Also, you couldn't hear it in the movie, but he had to make little bat chirps to make the echolocation possible. Totally annoying, and any reasonable person would get sick of you in 15 minutes. 

10. Bruce Banner's Incredible Hulk Alter-Ego

This awful superpower would not be useful whatsoever. You'd be strong, but that strength would come with the array of various anger and dermatology problems, which would render the superpower effectively useless—you'd be arrested for vandalism on the way to to your weekly skin cancer screening almost immediately. 

9. Invisible Woman's Invisibility

This sounds like it'd be great. Maybe it would? Maybe you would indulge your inner perv and hide out in the bathroom of your choice? But that'd be gross (not just because it's disgusting invasion of privacy, but also because bathroom bodily functions are zero percent sexy). You'd also have to be basically naked, so you could only use your superpowers in the summer. For non-pervy applications, invisibility might be nice—free entry to movies and concerts, but you'd have to go alone and it'd get incredible old.

8. Spiderman's Webmaking and Senses

You certainly couldn't work in an office—it'd be too distracting. Everything would annoy you, because you'd hear that dude across the office chewing way too loudly. The web business wouldn't be much better. You could snag stuff across the room, but it'd leave residue on everything. You'd probably never swing the city doing the urban Tarzan thing, either. The cops would shoot you down. Still some upsides though: you would never be afraid of falling since your body has built-in sticky grappling hooks. Actually when does that ever come into play? Nevermind. Terrible superpower. 

7. Superman's Ability to Change Really, Really Fast

Not a superpower, you say? Find me someone who doesn't have stripper velcro pants who can change as fast as Clark Kent. In a phone booth. Useful, and fun, and perfect for when you need to escape someone's house at 6 a.m. because he or she wasn't exactly as cute as previously thought nine hours earlier. 

6. Superman's X-Ray Vision

Okay getting better, but you could never tell anyone. They would be so creeped out and would probably insist on getting those lead x-ray proof vests from the dentists' office. If you're smart, you keep the fact that you can still see through lead to yourself. You're not an x-ray, you're a Kryptonian. If everyone found out you could see them naked without using your imagination, well, you'd end up working at TSA, because they can do that anyway.

5. Wolverine's Healing Powers

It's not quite invulnerability, but it's close. Cut yourself? Healed. Fall on your bike? Non-issue. Suddenly, you're not afraid of anything. You can spend your time at the gym

4. Jean Grey's Telekinesis/The Force

This is the lazy person's superpower. Why move things with your hands when you can use the Force? 

3. Professor Charles Xavier's Telepathy and Mind Control

Of all of the great powers, this probably has the greatest amount of responsibility. Remember the electrodes that went on his head and showed all the mutants in the universe? He could do that. He can pretty much do anything he wants to—convince you to give him a sandwich, tell if you're lying, or find out the combination to your safe. But it's also a lot of work. You'd hear things you'd never want to, like Mel Gibson did in that awful movie that we won't name or link here because he is Mel Gibson. All we're saying is there's a reason Professor X lost his hair.

2. Superman's Flying Powers

Ah the ability to fly. There goes the commute, the plane tickets, the train tickets, the cars. Complete freedom of movement without the price tag or worrying about rewards. Plus people would think it's cool. Not that they would see you traveling that fast. Or believe their eyes.

1. Thor's Being a God

The God-like looks alone would guarantee a modeling career. You also get the flying, the super strength, and the ability to control the weather. Seriously, no umbrellas. Ever. Godliness is the best superpower.