Who likes scrounging around liquor stores and bodegas for all the accessories of a successful night out? Nobody. What if your favorite liquor store is out of cigarettes? What if the grocery store down the street doesn't carry booze? Well guess what: your night just got a
hell heck of a lot easier with the Party Pack©. This sleek drinking accessory comes with everything you need for a memorable night out.
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With a streamline Colt 45 base that keeps your Party Pack© upright, a half-filled pack of Camels allows you to easily navigate cigarettes into your mouth as you're blasting malt liquor down your talk-hole. You'll swear you were drinking from something made by those guys in v-neck shirts from Apple commercials.
Conveniently placed on the outside of the 40 is a pack of powdered sugar mini-donuts to curb those pesky 3 a.m. drunk-munchies.
The best part? A discreetly placed condom on the bottom of the bottle for those nights you decide to use protection.
You'll also find a personalized hand-written letter of encouragement from within the malt liquor bottle and a handsome American flag on the outside to remind you where freedom comes from.
Sturdily secured with Duct tape, each Party Pack© has been quality-tested by a gaggle of former child actors — and trust us: they're good.
It really is a treat. "We guarantee it."
Jeremy Glass is the Vice writer for Supercompressor and really loves powdered sugar.