These Medical Ads from the Early 20th Century Are Comically Insane

Let’s go back in time.

Back to an age when, if you were ill, the doctor would hop on his horse and visit your cholera-ridden bedside, free of charge. Granted, his advice would usually be, “rub a little cocaine on it and call me in the morning." And why was that? Take a look at the following medical ads from the 1800s and 1900s and it might make more sense.

If they were safeguarding children's health, why does this child appear to be doing heavy manual labor in a snow storm?


It's more fun not to translate this and imagine that whatever is in that bottle will release him from what look like over-sized pliers.

Why is this man so secretive? What does he have to hide?!

Kimono bathrobe not included.

Ah, the lame back. Little-known plague of the 1800s.

Speak for yourself. Marvin looks like a pretty sharp dresser.

But only in dark corners. Nowhere else.

Ten cents non-refundable.

Curing your unsightly paleness, one pill at a time.

Ah, the good old days, when a fake eyeball only set you back a cool $3.50.

The very beginning of false advertising. 

Because when you think of an able-bodied person with a hulking appetite, this demure little redhead definitely comes to mind. 

Brain salt, the lesser-known cousin of table salt.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Still unclear: the amount on this check.

Ali Drucker is a staff writer for Supercompressor. She's been told she suffers from a terrible case of paleness. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.