Gentlemen, Say Hello to Your Very Own Sex Robot

As the creator of the Autoblow 2 eloquently puts it, "the days of doing it yourself are finally over." Unlike most sex toys, which require some semblance of effort to use, the Autoblow does everything for you — providing the closest automated experience to a beej that you'll get until full-contact holograms are a thing. With three size sleeve options to embrace all shapes and an electric industrial-strength motor that strokes the member for up to 1,000 hours, this might be the sex toy to trump all sex toys.

Jeremy Glass is the Vice editor for Supercompressor and his birthday is coming up.