Like all good things, whiskey starts with corn. You're going to need a sh*t-ton of corn—about 10 pounds of whole, untreated kernel corn to be exact. Find these kernels and bring them into your home like a newborn baby.
Put these kernels in a burlap sack—which is unsurprisingly available on Amazon. Place the sack in a large container and saturate it with warm water. You're going to want to absolutely soak these kernels to the bone—think of it as waterboarding, but for a good cause.
Crush the kernels and mash 'em up with a rolling pin. Wait for them to dry and then throw the mash into a huge-ass pot with boiling water. What's that famous phrase about watching water boil? Do it continuously? When the mixture is around 86 degrees, add one cup of champagne yeast and gently agitate for five minutes. This is where the fun starts.