I Smoked Alcohol...For Science
People have too much free time on their hands these days. When they're not busy butt-chugging beer and snorting powdered booze, they spend their free time thinking of inventive new ways to ingest alcohol.
Understandable, too—all the effort it takes to pick up a glass, put it to your lips, and drink? I'd rather drown in a pool of fire ants. Anyway, the ingenuity will not cease and a new way to get buzzed has made its way in front of us: Vaportini. It works on the simple principle of heating up liquor to the point where vapor is released and then sucking up those vapors with a handsome glass straw. Easy.
So, kids, this is how you smoke liquor.
First, you light a little tea candle that goes on the bottom of the custom Vaportini glass. On top of that, you place an orb filled with approximately one to two ounces of 70-100 proof alcohol. (Anything less than 70 won't work, apparently.) I chose Monkey 47 gin because of its high alcohol content, delicious taste, and sexy-ass bottle.
Then, as the liquor heats up, you play the waiting game. The waiting game is not very fun.
When the vapor forms, you lift the straw up out of the pool of liquor, suck, and inhale. Hold it in your lungs for as long as you can and breathe out. The idea is that you're getting pure vaporized alcohol without the calories, carbohydrates, or a hangover—not that you should be worrying about hangovers anymore.
So, how does it feel? Very pleasant—the overall experience is very sedating. It does, in fact, taste like you're breathing in the essence of alcohol. Plus, moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.
It didn't get me drunk even on 7-8 puffs, but more so relaxed and buzzed. When you use a particularly flavorful spirit, you can really taste the warm vapor as it goes into your lungs.
Vaportini could be the new hookah: a relatively intoxicating activity you can do with your friends, pending they're free from cold sores and that West African virus that's all over the news these days. What's that called again? Better Google it.