As the Vice editor for a major online publication, my email inbox is constantly flooded with requests from companies asking me to get wasted and try their "miracle hangover cure." Most of it is nonsense. Needless to say, I was a bit skeptical when a box full of hundreds—literally hundreds—of Drinkwel pills appeared on my desk. I'm a smart drinker nowadays...for the most part. I drink in moderation, try not to mix, and hardly ever shove anything weird down my throat anymore.
So, I thought, 'Well here's another worthless hangover cure attempt and somehow I'm going to have to get all these packets into the dumpster out back.'
Ehh, crap. What the hell? I guess I'll try it for one night.
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The ingredients are a hodgepodge of natural herbs, roots, and vitamins. It's mostly made up of milk thistle and artichoke, which preserves hepatocytes (liver cells) and promotes healthy detoxifying.
The instructions are simple: take three capsules before drinking and three capsules after. I had forgotten (due to the excessive shots) to take my initial three capsules, so my expectations were...low/barely existent.
But after my long boozy night, I popped three before bed and woke up feeling amazing. Like I had drank a glass of milk and been in bed before Letterman. Like I had fallen asleep in a hammock near a lake. Like a spring chicken covered in dandelions and doused in morning dew. Something like that.
The results sent me on a vision quest of sorts, which prompted me to spend the week "testing" Drinkwel to see if it held up under any circumstances.
Below is what I drank without feeling even a hint of a hangover, not once. Normally, any of the below activities would send me into a groggy fog the next morning.
Monday: Two tallboys of Pilsner Urquell.
Tuesday: A nice glass whiskey, chased by a less-nice shot of whiskey.
Wednesday: Way too many shots of Tennessee Fire. Probably like...eight shots.
Thursday: Monkey 47 + Boylan Heritage Tonic. But, like, many of those. Like six.
Friday: Approximately three tumblers full of vodka. And no ice—because pain is just weakness leaving the body.
Maybe it was the 625% of Vitamin C per serving (which turned my pee an inhuman shade of neon yellow), maybe it was the 6,667% Vitamin B that did it...but this stuff is a godsend.
Thanks for helping me out, Drinkwel, I want you inside of me at all times. Party on.
Jeremy Glass is the Supercompressor Vice editor and takes his job—as well as all his drinks—very seriously.