Yep, just like Kim Kardashian.
But first let's backtrack. A few weeks ago, I received an email inquiring if I was interested in getting my own blood injected into my face courtesy of Fountain MedSpa. With curiosity coursing through my soon-to-be-tampered-with veins, I said yes and found myself in a cozy waiting room that smelled exactly like doughnuts. How ironic, I thought, as I sipped an instant coffee with vanilla creamer—I'm sitting in a giant metaphor.
Here's a brief overview of what a Vampire Facial (without mentioning Mrs. Kardashian at length) is, exactly. It's a non-surgical cosmetic procedure in which blood is taken from your body, spun in a centrifuge, and injected back into your the face. There are lasers, too. A centrifuge separates your blood and produces highly-concentrated platelet-rich plasma that essentially acts as a filler for wrinkles and rejuvenates the skin on your face.
Think of platelet-rich plasma along the same lines as stem cells or SoulCycle; they contain growth factors that stimulate the healing of bone and soft tissue. Some people even inject the stuff in stuff into their penises to treat erectile dysfunction—at least, that's what a friend told me once. With my penis securely tucked away, I respectfully declined the Valium they offered, took a deep breath, and let the doctors get at me.
This is what happened.