I Smoked Caffeine…For Science
The world can’t seem to get enough consumption of regular things in unorthodox ways. Vaporized liquor, powdered alcohol, cubed coffee, and now caffeinated shisha. That’s right everyone, you can now smoke caffeinated e-cigs. Energy Shisha is the world’s first nicotine-free, caffeine-infused shisha stick that’ll deliver caffeine into your body without the hassle of downing a Red Bull. I was sent a couple of the energy sticks from England and went to town on them.
These are my findings.
Propylene glycol, glycerol, Energy Shisha Flavo(u)riung, caffeine (0.3% per ml), and taurine. Interestingly enough, they advise you not to take more than five three-second puffs in succession, and further advise you to avoid taking more than 20 puffs in an hour.
I’ll be damned. This thing tasted exactly like a Red Bull. It was uncanny. Energy Shisha’s ingredient of taurine—found in Red Bull and Monster Energy—gave this e-cig that particular fruity, medicinal taste. Fun fact: taurine is an essential dietary requirement for feline health and cats will go blind without the aminoethanesulfonic acid. Actually, learning that fact wasn’t especially comforting.
Hands down the flashiest e-cig I’ve ever smoked. And there have been a lot. The crown jewel of this flashy parade of purple was the literal jewel at the end of the smoking device. That’s a whole new level of, as the kids say, swag.
As opposed to the quick-hitting blast of energy from a can of Monster, Energy Shisha took some time before its effects settled in—about 30 minutes. But holy hell did it hit hard. My heart pounded, I had the jitters, rapid thoughts, neck shiftiness, and unfiltered energy. I felt like I could’ve built a car engine…but it also kinda felt like I had rabies and that my heart was going to explode.
Listen, kids, some substances are best taken the way nature intended. If you want to drink booze, order a martini. If you want to make coffee, grind the beans. And if you want caffeine, just buy the damn energy drink (or drink that coffee you just made). There’s something unnerving and un-American about having to smoke a bejeweled stick to hype yourself up in the morning.