I Took On 10 Dates In 10 Minutes

Ain’t the future grand, guys? In this day and age, where relationships can happen literally with the swipe of a finger, it’s getting easier and easier to pre-screen Earth’s entire population in hopes of finding that perfect somebody. Naturally, I wanted to cheat the system and see if I could date the maximum number of females in the minimum amount of time.

By way of a flurry of dating apps, I set up 10 dates, invited them all to the Thrillist HQ and dated each girl for a total of 60 seconds each. While the result was admittedly nerve-racking, I felt that I found out a lot about myself in the process. Pro-tip: if you’re going to spend 600 consecutive seconds thinking up new icebreakers and conversation starters, wear a deodorant that won’t leave you steeping in your own sweat. Once you’re feeling good and confident, go forth and rock thy Casbah.

Girl #1: Tina
Fun Fact: She once accidentally took a bath with a dead mouse and didn’t notice until after.
Interest Level: Considerably high, regardless of the rodent story.
Compatibility: 6/10

Girl #2: Delia 
Fun Fact: Here’s a really fun fact, when I looked into her eyes it was like the first day of fall or every single day of Hanukkah in one.
Interest Level: Extremely high. I don’t know what this girl is doing on all these trashy dating apps. Normally this would be the type of situation where my bullets of sweat could literally kill, pretty pumped I decided to go with Gillette over my usual slathering of cigarettes and blind olfactory optimism.
Compatibility: 10/10 true love

Girl #3: Jackie
Fun Fact: Has an acute anxiety about walking up steep hills.
Interest Level: Not especially interested, nor did she seem interested in me. I have to assume it’s because I couldn’t stop laughing at her fear of hills.
Compatibility: 3/10

Girl #4: Leah
Fun Fact: Oh my god, here’s a fun fact. Turns out this girl and I have been on a date before. Almost two years ago in Brooklyn. It took a while to recognize each other, but—yeah—still not interested.
Interest Level: Deader than disco.
Compatibility: 1/10

Girl #5: Alex
Fun Fact: We decided to conduct this date using only our eyes and hands. I think she’s in school studying to be an artist—either that or she loves the breadsticks from Olive Garden.
Interest Level: I’d probably send her a suggestive fax.
Compatibility: 7/10

Girl #6: Emma
Fun Fact: This woman is in medical school studying cardiology! I asked her about my chronic palpitations and she attributed it to anxiety, I told her she was being paranoid.
Interest Level: I think I’m way too neurotic.
Compatibility: 4/10

Girl #7: Betsy
Fun Fact: Didn’t believe in evolution for a very, very long time.
Interest Level: About as non-existent as dinosaur bones in her mind. She had nice teeth, though. Archaeologists would probably think she was a professional model if they found her remains a thousand years from now.
Compatibility: 2/10

Girl #8: Kelly
Fun Fact: The only fun thing about this date is that it only lasted 60 seconds.
Interest Level: What happened to that lovely Creationist girl? She still around?
Compatibility: 0/10

Girl #9: Jessie
Fun Fact: Was born with huge feet—a fact that I find very endearing.
Interest Level: Very high all around. Though, I’m terrible with reading facial expressions. Grimaces are generally good, right?
Compatibility: 8/10 maybe

Girl #10: Michelle
Fun Fact: She was born with that rare condition in which her organs are on the exact mirror-opposite side of her body. She also goes to three Ivy League schools at once. Though, she may also be a compulsive liar.
Interest Level: Quickly waned after she told me she once went skydiving with all of British Parliament...which is probably not true, because, well, they're all old.
Compatibility: 3/10

My rigorous 10 minutes of romance resulted in a couple of relationships that I can foresee lasting a generous couple of months.

Overall, the experiment was a success and I was pretty shocked to see that my palms and armpits weren’t even all that sweaty from the constant eye contact. I attribute my success to my lack of sweat glands and a killer antiperspirant.