I Took On 10 Dates In 10 Minutes
Ain’t the future grand, guys? In this day and age, where relationships can happen literally with the swipe of a finger, it’s getting easier and easier to pre-screen Earth’s entire population in hopes of finding that perfect somebody. Naturally, I wanted to cheat the system and see if I could date the maximum number of females in the minimum amount of time.
By way of a flurry of dating apps, I set up 10 dates, invited them all to the Thrillist HQ and dated each girl for a total of 60 seconds each. While the result was admittedly nerve-racking, I felt that I found out a lot about myself in the process. Pro-tip: if you’re going to spend 600 consecutive seconds thinking up new icebreakers and conversation starters, wear a deodorant that won’t leave you steeping in your own sweat. Once you’re feeling good and confident, go forth and rock thy Casbah.
Girl #1: Tina
Fun Fact: She once accidentally took a bath with a dead mouse and didn’t notice until after.
Interest Level: Considerably high, regardless of the rodent story.
Girl #2: Delia
Fun Fact: Here’s a really fun fact, when I looked into her eyes it was like the first day of fall or every single day of Hanukkah in one.
Interest Level: Extremely high. I don’t know what this girl is doing on all these trashy dating apps. Normally this would be the type of situation where my bullets of sweat could literally kill, pretty pumped I decided to go with Gillette over my usual slathering of cigarettes and blind olfactory optimism.
Compatibility: 10/10 true love
Girl #3: Jackie
Fun Fact: Has an acute anxiety about walking up steep hills.
Interest Level: Not especially interested, nor did she seem interested in me. I have to assume it’s because I couldn’t stop laughing at her fear of hills.
Girl #4: Leah
Fun Fact: Oh my god, here’s a fun fact. Turns out this girl and I have been on a date before. Almost two years ago in Brooklyn. It took a while to recognize each other, but—yeah—still not interested.
Interest Level: Deader than disco.
Girl #5: Alex
Fun Fact: We decided to conduct this date using only our eyes and hands. I think she’s in school studying to be an artist—either that or she loves the breadsticks from Olive Garden.
Interest Level: I’d probably send her a suggestive fax.
Girl #6: Emma
Fun Fact: This woman is in medical school studying cardiology! I asked her about my chronic palpitations and she attributed it to anxiety, I told her she was being paranoid.
Interest Level: I think I’m way too neurotic.
Girl #7: Betsy
Fun Fact: Didn’t believe in evolution for a very, very long time.
Interest Level: About as non-existent as dinosaur bones in her mind. She had nice teeth, though. Archaeologists would probably think she was a professional model if they found her remains a thousand years from now.
Girl #8: Kelly
Fun Fact: The only fun thing about this date is that it only lasted 60 seconds.
Interest Level: What happened to that lovely Creationist girl? She still around?
Girl #9: Jessie
Fun Fact: Was born with huge feet—a fact that I find very endearing.
Interest Level: Very high all around. Though, I’m terrible with reading facial expressions. Grimaces are generally good, right?
Compatibility: 8/10 maybe
Girl #10: Michelle
Fun Fact: She was born with that rare condition in which her organs are on the exact mirror-opposite side of her body. She also goes to three Ivy League schools at once. Though, she may also be a compulsive liar.
Interest Level: Quickly waned after she told me she once went skydiving with all of British Parliament...which is probably not true, because, well, they're all old.
My rigorous 10 minutes of romance resulted in a couple of relationships that I can foresee lasting a generous couple of months.
Overall, the experiment was a success and I was pretty shocked to see that my palms and armpits weren’t even all that sweaty from the constant eye contact. I attribute my success to my lack of sweat glands and a killer antiperspirant.