I was the perfect candidate: depressed, distracted, wayward. All I needed to achieve spiritual clarity was a $30 copy of Dianetics, a $50 deposit to begin classes, and a payment plan for the next 60 years of my life."Hi there, Mr. Genius! I heard about your test results!" I passed the girl at the front desk, still engrossed in her iPhone game, on my way out. Her kind smile filled me with the hope that one day she'd do a legit, thorough Google search on this religion and truly figure out if she wanted her life to be like this, or if they just told her that this was what life had to be like. "So, we'll see you on Friday?"